These Strong Walls

hope u like it

These strong walls,
They hold my fury,
Against those pitiful people.
They speak,
You hear.
They scorn,
I cringe.
Yet these walls will not hold.
Run from their torment,
Run for life.
Hole your emotions,
Until it is safe.
I will not go to war with you,
You cannot force me.
Find someone else to rot in the dirt,
Along with you.

I can't believe this went so long without a critique.

Well hey, I'm Angel and I will be your reviewer today.

This poem was very strong and I get what you are trying portray but you don't execute your thoughts well. They are scrambled like the Great Wall of China would be if we took it apart. You have a good start but this can be so much more.

Here's a typo

Hole your emotions

I believe you mean 'Hold your emotions'

These strong walls,
They hold my fury,
Against those pitiful people.
They speak,
You hear.
They scorn,
I cringe.
Yet these walls will not hold.

I loved this part here but after that, although what you are saying is nice and powerful and all that jazz, it doesn't transition well.

How do the falling walls torment you or whoever you are speaking about? Why is it not safe?

This bit here just didn't feel or sound right

I will not go to war with you,
You cannot force me.
Find someone else to rot in the dirt,
Along with you.

You need a little bit more description before this. Who is forcing you to go to war with them? When you are writing a poem such as this, you must make the people see what you are trying to get across. Though this is great, it still needs a little more. Also, I see that you have this in Other Poetry, ask a Mod if this is the right place. I feel its Dramatic, if anything.

Hope I helped.

Keep righting,

~Angel

I'm not very good at reviewing poetry, but I thought I would give this a shot.

I think you need more... advanced? wording. More description. Maybe you mean for this to be raw, and even simple, but I think you could make a far better impact by following my advice.

Example:

Yet these walls will not hold

COULD BE

Yet these shivering walls will not hold

Kind of see what I mean? And you could have so much more power by using a word other than fury. That word, in my opinion, is overused. Find a word that's different, just MORE.

Hope this helps.

KJ

These strong walls,

Maybe you could out: These four strong walls. Or something.

They hold my fury,

For some reason the word they dont flow so well. You could rephase it.

Against those pitiful people.

Who are you talking about?

They speak,

You hear.

They scorn,

I cringe.

Yet these walls will not hold.

I like these lines in the poem, they sound like music to me.

Run from their torment,

Run for life.

I like these lines as well, they stand out.

Hole your emotions,

Until it is safe.

Shouldn't it be hold?

I will not go to war with you,

You cannot force me.

Find someone else to rot in the dirt,

Along with you.

I think that you are talking about love or war... Not sure though. But then again, I am not that good at decoding poetry.

So goog job, the best of luck, and keep writing!

hey, thanks for the reviews
so sorry it took me so long to show up again, have been rather busy these last few months.
the poem can be about a multitude of things, it's as the reader wants to percieve it (i didn't spell percieve right did i??)
when i wrote it, i felt it in many different ways, that's probably why its so muddled :/
i will edit it after writing this, your reviews have helped alot

here's what i did to it:

These strong walls,

They hold all my fury,

Against those pitiful people all around you.

On the news,

Being praised for wasting time and food.

In a school,

Being worshipped for being fake.

They speak,

You hear.

They scorn,

I cringe.

Yet these crumbling walls will not hold.

Run from their torment,

Run for sanity.

Hold your emotions,

Until it is safe.

I do not want to go to war with him,

But what he has done is unforgivable.

I will find a way to destroy all that he is,

Piece by piece.

And then he can find someone else,

to rot in the dirt along with them.