Untouched-Epilogue

I know it's short. Any ideas to make it longer?


Epilogue
“I would have chosen Jasper.”
“I would have chose Nigel.”
“I take that back, I would have made them both grovel at my feet.”
“I’d make them fight it out. Survivor gets me.”
Jessica and Onyx laughed about it all first period. Peter had migrated into our group since Cassandra’s out today, again. She’s been ‘sick’ ever since Nigel broke up with her.
“Is Jasper that new kid?” Alex asked.
Both girls nodded to her and continued their chatter. I tuned them out and doodled on my notebook.
They had given me my space once I chose between Nigel and Jasper. I thought that they would question my decision a little, but they agreed it was for the best.
Jasper, against my better judgment, enrolled in our school. He is playing the role of a loner from Maine. I told him it was a bad idea because now he was stuck in that role like the rest of us, doomed to play it out until everyone was dead. He told me that it was worth it to be closer to me.
Nigel agreed with me, surprise there.
Somehow, I got to tell Onyx about Peter’s crush on her. Turns out, she had a little thing for him too. Friday night they had their first date. From her detailed description, it went very well.
Peter took her to a movie in town. It was fifties movie night at the town theater. He wrapped his arm around her shoulders and it he ended up the one in need of warmth. But of course, Onyx was happy to cuddle with him, although it probably didn’t help much. At her door, he gave her a quick peck on the cheek before running down the big stone steps.
Later, she tried to talk about me instead of the date, but Jessica wasn’t having any of that.
It went back and forth between my choice and Onyx’s date. I was constantly rolling ym eyes and sighing at their useless conversations. I had already made my choice and there is not going back. We all had to promise we would never turn back.
Even though, deep inside I knew they would want to go back on their word for whatever reason they could find, I would stay stubborn.
At the time, I thought it was the best thing to do. Now, I’ll have to spend the rest of eternity convincing myself of that.

Does she want Nigel...or Jasper? I'm sort of confused. I though you had a really good ending sentence but this epilogue just bewildered me. I think you need to include more about her change, about Nigel and Jasper's thoughts on the matter and such. And I think that will help with the length as well.

Sorry, this is kind of short. But I must say, that was a very entertaining read.

Hope you publish!

Jas-
Wow. It's over? Like finally over? That's sad. I somehow wish there was more.

So like Genna's changed and all {well I could tell she was by the last sentence}, who actually changed her?
Well that was kind of random.

This was a emotionally story, Jas. I loved it!!

Do get it published. Promise?

-Merry

GAH!! I'd just written a really long review and then my computer lost it all! Darn it.

I know it's short. Any ideas to make it longer? [/quote]

Okay, so. The only way I can think of making this longer is if you added more description and set the scene at the beginning instead of just starting with the dialogue:


[b]Epilogue
“I would have chosen Jasper.”
“I would have chose Nigel.”
“I take that back, I would have made them both grovel at my feet.”
“I’d make them fight it out. Survivor gets me.”

The problem with this is that, the short, crisp, brisk dialogue adds to the effect and it gives the whole feeling a sort of...well I'm not sure how to describe it but it just works. Never mind, epilogues are allowed to be short as they're the end of the book and the reader wants a rest. Don't worry about it, it's just fine.



They had given me my space once I chose between Nigel and Jasper. I thought that they would question my decision a little, but they agreed it was for the best.

I think that 'one I had chosen' would be better, tense-wise.

Jasper, against my better judgment, enrolled in our school.

'had enrolled' would be better.


---

This is the end and I feel sad. The whole epilogue had a bittersweet feeling to it and it almost made me cry, for some reason.
Congratulations on finishing it, Jasmine. It's been a pleasure to read.
xxx

i think you need to go into a little bit more detail with this one. who did she choose? is she now a vampire too? are her and jasper going out? how did nigel break up with cass? did cass find out that nigel love genna? stuff like that.

it is a good story. let me know when you edit this.