Life and War

You live and die
You learn to cry,
Never know whats
Around the bend,
Never know what
could cause an untimely end.

Possibilities are endless,
Left to us to explore,
To find whats behind
Each closed and open door.
Only there's not enough time
To find what's in life's core
But that's how life is.

Possibilities are endless

Left to us to explore

To find whats behind

Each closed and open door

Only there's not enough time

To find what's in life's core

These are the Best Lines outta the whole Poem!
Not Tat The Rest Aren't any Good But it conveys a good message Or Image through
the use of the words "Endless, Open Door, and Life's core

Great! just Great

Okay so not much needs editing

I would however change that last line as it messes with the Flow
of "Gore,Abhor,Ignore,Anymore Good use of Comparative words there

Thank Kaylyn I enjoyed the Read

Hmm, it's a little different from what I'm used to but I'll take a shot at it.

First, good verses and steady rhythm, but the rhyming order is a bit jumbled.

Try to be a bit more consistent and make the other paragraphs more in tune with the first paragraph.

Keep that in mind and it'll flow a little better.


Secondly, some of the sentences are too long to make them flow right if you put the whole thing there so you broke them into chunks.

The only problem is, they don't end well where you've divded them so they sound really short and choppy.

Try rewording them and it'll make a big difference. Or you could rewrite the sentence and make it shorter and a bit more in tune with everything else.


Lastly, the ending line isn't verygood and sounds completely differnet from the other verses.

You may want to entirely cut this out and make the verse before it the concluding verse or you should maybe write another paragraph or too but I would not recommend keeping that ending sentence the same.

I hope this helps!

0(o.o)0

i agree with Misinterpreted (i think was was his/her name)
i also believe that the first few lines seem a little clished(clee-shade)
hmm...overall, i think the poem started a little bland but left me pondering the aftertaste

*EDITED*

I generally dislike punctuation alot however i feel as though this poem could benefit alot from it. An example is here

Never know whats

Around the bend

Never know what

could cause an untimely end

We could use an idea of time that comma' s and periods sometimes add real well. You rhyme very well and i love the opening two lines of both stanza's they are great. Especially "You live and die. you learn how to cry" its a great opener to any piece - a real "grabber" Well done

You live and die
You learn to cry
Never know whats
Around the bend
Never know what
could cause an untimely end

<Punctation>

Possibilities are endless
Left to us to explore
To find whats behind
Each closed and open door
Only there's not enough time
To find what's in life's core
But that's how life is.

<No more?>

It's a little too short for this type of content. And, I prefer short poems ...

Please, use punctuation! Very, very, very few people can pull off 'odd' punctuation (i.e. Emily Dickinson).

Edit this some more ... You submitted too early. And, add more lines. It could help a lot!

I always submit short poems like this, and believe me - I've seen them shorter...
Thanks for all the reviews. Poetry isn't one of my talents, so puctuation isn't that easy for me. But I'm learning.

Hey Kaylyn! Great poem, it flows really good and it catches the meaning. Keep on writing!

Its really good kaylyn!
I liked it alot.
It gives a good image throughout the poem.
Forget abouyt adding lines, its really good the wa it is.
Keep up the Good work!