The Bad Things

7 posts
Random avatar
Gender Male
Points 890
Reviews 4
Well, for school we have to write a "fear" free verse poem; basically a biggest fear, etc. I don't think mine's that good (poem's usually aren't really my thing) but critique would be great and much appreciated. :)



The Bad Things


The Bad Things come at night,
to haunt me,
to built a
d e s o l a t e
bridge that connects
my hard day’s angst and
impending nightmares.

The Bad Things drove me
out of the covers,
along with my pregnant bladder,
to the hallway; sour and unwelcoming.
Night’s Breath

The Bad Things crept along
in the shadows.
They were the monsters,
Scream masks,
Michael Myers,
Freddys,
the Demons (my demons)
that lurked deep in my subconscious,
where the Bad Things took shelter
while the sun still held the world’s hand.

The Bad Things were
that interloper with a gun;
my family drifting slowly away on
The River Styx.
They brought along my death,
bloody and shrieking.
Yesterday’s faces came in toe,
glazed and burning and
Forgotten.

The Bad Things were
my shallow gasps,
and my pounding heart
that begged to be released
from my chest.
They were that sudden
cold pocket,
the goose bumps,
secrets that took shelter
in the corner of the eye.

The Bad Things were regrets.
My crushed dreams,
stomped into the ground by a
Giant’s boot.

The Bad Things were my nightmares,
visiting me early,
as soon as my head hit
the chilled pillow.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 10
This is quite a good poem. Very different writing stile to me so I don’t know if this crit is alright.

The Bad Things



The Bad Things come at night,

to haunt me,

to built a

D e s o l a t e

Bridge that connects

My hard day’s angst and

Impending nightmares.

Nice verse, nothing wrong.


The Bad Things drove me

out of the covers,

along with my pregnant bladder,

to the hallway; sour and unwelcoming.

Night’s Breath



The Bad Things crept along

in the shadows.

They were the monsters,

Scream masks,

Michael Myers,

Freddy’s,

the Demons (my demons)

that lurked deep in my subconscious,

where the Bad Things took shelter,

while the sun still held the world’s hand.



The Bad Things were

that interloper with a gun;

my family drifting slowly away on

The River Styx.

They brought along my death,

bloody and shrieking.

Yesterday’s faces came in toe,

glazed and burning.

long Forgotten.



The Bad Things were

my shallow gasps,

and my pounding heart

that begged to be released

from my chest.

They were that sudden

cold pocket,

the goose bumps,

secrets that took shelter

in the corner of the eye.



The Bad Things were regrets.

My crushed dreams,

stomped into the ground by a

Giant’s boot.



The Bad Things were my nightmares,

visiting me early,

as soon as my head hit

the chilled pillow.


Honesty, this is a really good poem that didn’t seem to need much critting, no grammer or spelling mistakes as far as I can see. I changed the ones that I could though. That’s just my opinion, but I’m sure that others would agree. :)
***

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.




User avatar
Gender Male
Points 890
Reviews 12
The Bad Things drove me

out of the covers,

along with my pregnant bladder,

to the hallway; sour and unwelcoming.

Night’s Breath


He he
You are only 13 How could You Know what that would be like?
But having said that it was poetic!

The Bad Things were

my shallow gasps,

and my pounding heart

that begged to be released

from my chest.

They were that sudden

cold pocket,

the goose bumps,

secrets that took shelter

in the corner of the eye.


Wow you seem to convey this quite nicely here! i liked How you
used the Phrase "that Begged to be released from My chest"!
it shows such longing for something
I get the idea that it's about nightmares or at least that is the JUST of what I got
as this line suggests "The Bad Things crept along in the shadows"

They were the monsters,

Scream masks,

Michael Myers,

Freddy’s,

the Demons (my demons)

that lurked deep in my subconscious,

where the Bad Things took shelter,

while the sun still held the world’s hand."

Lol Michael Myers! he was a serial killer so I can relate to Having those bad dreams and Nightmares at your age!


I liked reading through your poem it was Splendid
I like using that word to describe Good poetry
lol




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 9917
Reviews 297
Yes great flow. It is quite a different writing style. But I like it. You'll definately get an A. Good luck, great job, and keep writing!
As your pretty, so be wise,
Wolves may lurk in every guise.




Random avatar
Gender Male
Points 890
Reviews 4
Thanks guys for your critique :) It's appreciated. Still open for anyone else willing to comment, whatever.
And I'm actually 15, Misinterpreted :shock:




User avatar
Gender Male
Points 890
Reviews 12
Ooh yeah Sorry! lol it was late and my eyes were sore
Forgive me lol
Sorry I see now on your Profile You ARE 15!
lol

aah well we GET one mistake only ha ha
then it's Expulsion! :roll:
“The senses deceive from time to time, and it is prudent never to trust wholly those who have deceived us even once” Rene Descartes




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 9917
Reviews 297
hehe, snickers at Misinterpreted's mistake.

Again though really that is a really good poem
As your pretty, so be wise,
Wolves may lurk in every guise.



You wake up in the morning and it feels impossible? Good. You do it anyway.
— Martin Scorcese