ingnore the stuck up fags

give a little more appreciation

to people who help you loose your frustration

when you get pissed off by someone

just say fuck it, you won

if you try to make their life bad

you will only waiste your time

and this feeling will just sublime

you think that one little moment when you get burned at was bad

truly no one cares but you so fuck those emotions, get glad

i really think that looking at that person and whishing they died

is the worst feeling so pout that aside

by the way after high school or shit you and that prick will never collide

so all those little things they said to you are nothing

because his family compared to yours is nothing

This was very poorly written. I assume you wrote it in a hurry, because there is no grammar and a lot of misspellings.

I suggest not posting things like this without a quick edit, at least.

It was too angst, emotional, and predictable.

-Adrian

I thought it was pretty good rap song. But you should make it longer. But to be quit honest I thought you did write it in a hurry. Come on you have a million more better songs that I have heared. Post them!

There are quite a few spelling mistakes and stuff here, as well as a lot of swearing (which isn't bad as such, like, but I think maybe you did it too much. Also the word 'fag' you have there in the title is quite offensive really). I like the message you're trying to put across, I think if you spell checked it and read it through and made it more... cohesive it might be better =] don't give up.
R x

I don't care if a piece is offensive. Poetry should evoke strong emotions, so that's fine.

But when a piece is just careless, crass, and contrived--like this clearly is--it's a no go.

Try to actually write with heart.