A Fallen Angel

A Fallen Angel

Fallen angel with broken wings.
Of pain and sorrow she often sings.
The grace of love no longer heard.
The siren's burdened lonely word.
She sings her songs of broken dreams.
A shattered spirit that's left unseen.
Her halo's tarnished and all is gone.
When the heart that's broken feels her song.
Praying for forgiveness wishing for a soul.
A last chance for the love within to heal and make her whole.
The past still haunts her wounds inside.
The chains that keep her heart subside
The truth is far from in her grasp
The more she digs into her past.
Trying hard to just forget.
The pain of uncontrolled regret.

I don't know, man, it was kinda...cliche. Nothing really cool, no images, nothing to grasp onto. Just abstract good vs. bad shit, and no specifics as to what happened...I think you should have dug deeper, given her a personality and beauty and something stronger for us to identify with.

I liked it... :\

It rhymed too! Okay, I'll be quiet, I know nothing about poems, but I liked it...

At some places the rhyming seemed bearable, but at other places it was really forced.

Praying for forgiveness wishing for a soul
A last chance for the love within to heal and make her whole

Forced rhyming and bad line breaks alert!

I think it would flow better like this:

Praying for forgiveness,
Wishing for a soul,
A last chance for the love within
To heal and make her whole.

And also "The chains that keep her heart subside" line doesn't make much sense. It could be my headache and sleepiness are keeping me from getting it, or it just could be better worded.

I sort of agree with PsyLynx. I don't think it was cliche, and it sounds pretty, but it doesn't leave a very strong impression on me. You could definitely add some more depth, like he said.

This was very easy to read and rhymed well. But I prefered your other poem.

hey fallen angel is my nick name punk lol but nice title for ur poem.

It um... was cute... but really it lacked emotion, it was sweet though...

The truth is far from in her grasp
The more she digs into her past.

for some reason this just doesn't make any sense to me... it could be the fact that i've only have two hours sleep in the last 24 hours but, i dont know what you could do with it... maybe something like.

The Truth moves further from her grasp
the more she digs into her past...

or something like that, it just me personally.

Nice poem. I liked this, although you sort of repeated yourself a bit, not with the same words, just the same meaning. Yeah, like Niteowl said, there are some line breaks needed.

Good job

i liked this poem i think that you need to work on it a little but so far it is good