Deep Love

Broken arms and broken bones is

Nothing compared to a broken heart

I’ve been trapped inside of my mind

Till I saw a signnnnnn

I’ve been hiding from everyone

Can’t go out in the sun

There is no simple way out

But to take down this wall

That’s made out of stone

There’s no simple way out

About that theirs is no doubt

I want too go insane

Inside of my brain

The city sleep’s in flamesss


-----go crazy-----

Feel the adrenaline rushing through your veins

Have to break out of these chains

So much blood, it’s like a flood

The gothic city is burning with crime

There is not much time

For me to come up with another rhyme

Do u want to fight? Or do u want to cry so

Stop, stop, stop don’t want to go pop, pop, pop- ah

Top, top, top don’t want to go drop, drop, drop

------finish----


(Stretch) I have individuality

(Stretch) the personality, immortality

(Stretch) Breaking my heart is like breaking my soul

Stretch) why to fight and break hearts

(Stretch) why to separate the parts

(Stretch) when you can find what you seek- on charts

I actually really liked it, but why is it called Deep love?
I liked the ryhme but I didny really get what was it about love or crime.
I understand that the song is lonely but what is it actually about?

I liked it! It was good, but it should be in the poetry section because it doesn't really have a chorus or bridge. It just has verses! But I do like it. Also why is it called deep love? From the way I read it I would think that it would be called Deep Pain. Also the rhyme is very good. One thing you forgot was the ( in front of one of the stretches. It is good and you are talented, but you need to add more to it if you actually plan for it to be a song. Also you need to include the title in the chorus. Every song that I have ever listened to always has the title somewhere in the song and it is usually in the chorus. So keep working at it ! You will get it. I promise.

Wow, this is really. really, great!

I believe I reviewed a poem of yours before.

Please remember that we have a 2:1 polocy here! you need atleat 2 reviews for every poem or story.

This is a great poem, but please make sure you try to respect our rules here.

I hope to see some reviews form you soon.

wow.
great job first of all.
i really liked...

Broken arms and broken bones is

Nothing compared to a broken heart

I’ve been trapped inside of my mind

Till I saw a signnnnnn

I’ve been hiding from everyone

Can’t go out in the sun

There is no simple way out

But to take down this wall

That’s made out of stone

There’s no simple way out

About that theirs is no doubt

but the rest i didn't care that much for that much.
why did you name it deep love?
its interesting... keep writing

Cool, cool.
I liked it.
Very deep. hehe.

Till I saw a signnnnnn

It is weird. signnnnnn. Well I'm a sucker, so please explain to me what you meant by the sighnnnnnn.

I really enjoyed it. Keep up the good work

Hi 1993vglad. I'm not much an expert on this sort of thing but here's my best try:

Broken arms and broken bones is

This should be: Broken arms and broken bones are because Is is used for one thing and Are is used for more than one.

That’s made out of stone

I feel like this line should be taken out. Walls like that are hard to break down anyway and it just doesn't seem to fit into the rest of the lines.

About that theirs is no doubt

Take out Is. There's is a combination of There and Is so there's no point for it. Theirs should be There's because it doesn't belong to them and for the reason I stated above.

I want too go insane

To

Do u want to fight? Or do u want to cry so

I'm not sure why you switched into chatspeak but for our benefit, please don't. It should be: Do you want to fight or do you want to cry?

Stretch) why to fight and break hearts

(Stretch) why to separate the parts

I think these two lines would look better if you took out To and put a question mark at the end of both of the lines.

(Stretch) when you can find what you seek- on charts

What charts?

I can see why it's called Deep Love, as I've read that love sometimes makes a person go insane, but maybe it should just be Love instead?

I thought it was okay. Your grammar was my big issue and as Kiss of Life said, find some way to put the title in the song. I think, however, this would be better suited as poetry.

Anyway, I hope I helped, keep writing, and PM me for anything at all.

-alwaysawriter