What follows is not a retaliation of any sort, just to clear things up.
I genuinely didn't like this apart from the general sky imagery. I really thought the rhyming was woeful; "Go even higher and high" doesn't work as a line, let alone a rhyme (no rhyme intended). The same goes for "I had nothing else about to care"- this doesn't make any sense. It's a weak and forced attempt to suit the previous line. In fact, this occured in every single stanza of the poem:
"When I was just a man
My brain wasn't empty like a hollow tin can"
and again,
"People around me thought I was mad
Deep in my heart I was glad"
and again...
"One day I flew through the air
This dream I had was really rare"
As a result of this forced rhyming, the entire poem comes across as insincere. I didn't like the last two lines as there is no evidence of thought or emotion. The one thing I can give you kudos for was probably unintentional; the line "when I was just a man" worked well in the poem. I imagine an isolated man cut off from ther rest of society in one way or another who's creation has possibly led to disaster. I'm beginning to question whether the weak language was intentional for a character of this sort. But ultimately, the poem didn't pull me. Look forward to reading your other work
Players and painted stage took all my love,
And not those things that they were emblems of.
