Gossip and Lies

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The idea for this short story came to me in the shower, and I hurried to write it down. It's about how rumours can destroy somebodies life. It's partly based on my experience with having rumours spread about me, but this is a lot worse than what I went through.

I've never really tried setting out my writing differently, but this just sort of felt right.

--

1.

Gossip - n a. somebody who habitually reveals fats concerning other people b. a chatty talk

“Did you see what Lauren was wearing underneath her dress?” Jasmine squealed as she sat down on the bench next to Gloria. “We were walking to Geography and she bent down to pick up a book, and she was wearing a g-string!”

“NO!”

The girls looked shocked, but were hanging onto their friend’s every word.

“But that’s not all! On her left butt-cheek, guess what there was?” Jasmine looked around at her friends, but nobody hazarded a guess as to what Jasmine saw.

“What?” Sarah finally asked, no longer being able to bear the suspense.

Jasmine smiled smugly. “She had a tattoo! It said: Lauren and James in a heart! A tattoo of Lauren and James in a heart of her left bum-cheek! Who is she kidding? James would never, not in a million years go for somebody like Lauren!”

Diane leaned in, all the other girls following her lead.

“I heard her sister’s a prostitute and Lauren’s going to follow in her footsteps once she turns eighteen. Apparently you can make $400 a night!”

The girls all gasped, imagining the skinny blonde girl with the brain the size of a walnut and breasts the size of watermelons as a hooker. To be honest, it wasn’t difficult.

2.

Rumours- n a statement or report circulated without conformation of its truth

Lily and Sarah walked arm-in-arm to the canteen. On the way, they passed a girl sitting by herself, who looked perfectly happy apart from her blotchy red eyes.

“Who’s that?” Lily asked. She had only been at the school for three days and hadn’t met many people outside of her cousin’s group.

“Oh, that’s just Lauren Hart,” Sarah said, glancing at the girl. “She’s a total slut. She’s slept with practically every boy in the school and she’s only fifteen. Someone told me that she had a baby at thirteen. She’s going to be a prostitute when she’s older.”

Sarah made these statements in a normal voice, making no effort to stop the girl from hearing.

“She looks upset,” Lily remarked.

Sarah shrugged. “Who cares? She’ll be gone by next year. Now, what do you want?”

3.

Lies- n an untrue or false statement

Lauren dropped her bag on the floor and sat down on her beanbag. Reaching for her diary, she opened it up and began to write in it. People always said the most hurtful things about her, and there was no way she could tell her parents. They may have loved her, but there was no way she was risking further embarrassment by having her parent’s storm down to the school.

The latest lies were that she’d had a baby two years ago and her older sister was a prostitute.

Prostitute! Would an advertising student really be a hooker?

People said all sorts of things at school, just because Lauren was skinny and blonde and had trouble at school. They didn’t have any proof! They’d never have any proof, because none of it was real. But people believed the lies, and Lauren had no friends because of it.

“Lauren, phone for you!”

Lauren picked up the phone in her bedroom and waited for her mum to hang up. Then she began talking.

“Hello? Lauren Hart speaking.”

“Hi Lauren. Um… I’m Lily, from school. I’m new. You might have seen me today. I was walking to the canteen with Sarah Newman, and she said some things about you. You looked pretty upset, so I got your number from the school directory. I um, thought you might like to talk or something?”

4.

Truth- n a. something that is true, or believed to be true b. the opposite of a lie
Lily stepped into the park and looked around. There was nobody here – yet. But, only living two streets away, she was early. Like they agreed, she sat down on the swing and waited.

“I didn’t think you’d come.”

Lily turned around. Lauren was standing behind her. She wasn’t smiling, yet she didn’t look unhappy.

“I said I would, and I always keep my promises.”

Lauren nodded and sat on the other swing. The two girls were silent for a minute, neither knew where to start. They barely knew each other, yet Lauren wanted to open up to this girl and Lily wanted to hear what she had to say, after listening to everybody else bitch about her for three days.

Finally, Lily opened her mouth to speak.

“You don’t have a baby, do you?”

Lauren shook her head.

“Little brother. Mum came to pick me up one day and brought him. He rushed straight into my arms, and everybody started saying he was my child.”

Lily nodded. “And your sister’s not a prostitute, right?”

Lauren laughed, a small smile appearing on her lips.

“No way. And I’ve got no idea where that one came from. I guess some people have seen her, and she does wear a lot of designer clothes and stuff, so I guess they assumed.”

The two fell into a silence again, before Lauren started talking of her own accord about the three years she’d spent at high-school and the rumours that had been spread about her and the fact that she didn’t have any friends. She talked about her past, her family and her one and only boyfriend, and how getting hit by a cricket-ball in the park had sparked a rumour that her dad was abusing her and led to the children being sent to a foster home for a month.

And Lily listened, not once saying anything, understanding completely what the strange but intriguing girl was saying because rumours and lies had also ruined her life previously, and she knew how important it was to have a kind ear once and a while.
*Don't expect to see me around much in the next couple of weeks. School has started again, and it'll be a couple of weeks before I've settled in. If you've asked me for a critique, you will get it, but not for a little while. Sorry*




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How good am I? Straight on it! I need a life! Haha

Anyways...here goes

Gossip - n a. somebody who habitually reveals fats concerning other people b. a chatty talk


Typo - pretty convinced this should be "facts" not "fats"

A tattoo of Lauren and James in a heart of her left bum-cheek!


This should be on her left bum-cheek...plus bum-cheek can be repetitive...try n spice it up with maybe something like derriere....its humourous too

The girls all gasped, imagining the skinny blonde girl with the brain the size of a walnut and breasts the size of watermelons as a hooker. To be honest, it wasn’t difficult.


Love this stereotype...maybe you could expand on the description here though...

Sarah shrugged. “Who cares? She’ll be gone by next year. Now, what do you want?”


Stress that the last question what do you want? is referring to what to have for lunch in the canteen. It confused me at first and I had to concentrate lol

Prostitute! Would an advertising student really be a hooker?


I like the naivety this shows....obviously anybody can be a hooker, advertising student or not...typical high school mentality

“Hi Lauren. Um… I’m Lily, from school. I’m new. You might have seen me today. I was walking to the canteen with Sarah Newman, and she said some things about you. You looked pretty upset, so I got your number from the school directory. I um, thought you might like to talk or something?”


Sarah's last name amused me, as I have a friend/associate with that last name who is surprisingly similar in her bitchiness... :shock:

The two girls were silent for a minute, neither knew where to start. They barely knew each other, yet Lauren wanted to open up to this girl and Lily wanted to hear what she had to say, after listening to everybody else bitch about her for three days.


I'd give this a grammatical re-jig...here's an example of what you could do to make it flow better

The two girls were silent for a minute; neither knew where to start as they barely knew each other, yet Lauren wanted to open up to her. Lily wanted to hear what she had to say, after listening to everybody else bitch about her for three days.

Overall I really like this piece...the definitions in itlic were a nice touch...I think you can make it a lot longer with some caracter definition and descriptive language but the idea is good...not just the typical high school bumph that a lot of people come out with!

Kudos...keep me posted
Olivia
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Neat. Liked it much better than "How you broke my heart" which I just couldn't. . . gah.

Anyway - this was a fantastic idea (funny how you came to it in the shower though). I think you should have ended it at #2, simply because it felt like it was dragging on towards the end.

Seriously - would anyone in their right mind try and talk to someone who had so many rumours floating around about them? I know I wouldn't touch someone like that with a ten foot pole.

In fact, I'm pretty sure I would be spreading more of the same rumours, just for spite. At my school, no one bothers to make rumours about people that aren't immensely popular plastics, so I skim right under the radar ;)

Kudos for such an awesome idea.

Cheers, Jai
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"In fact, I'm pretty sure I would be spreading more of the same rumours, just for spite. At my school, no one bothers to make rumours about people that aren't immensely popular plastics, so I skim right under the radar."

Sorry, but how COMPLETELY fn ironic that to me now is, no one will ever know.
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I liked this idea. The definitions to start where a good touch. I liked her point of view, Lauren. The girls at school always gossiping and inventing rumours (I honestly don't know were people get they're ideas for lies) it seems a real topic. Because that does happen a lot and many students have a bad school experience because of that. I agree with olivia on the mistakes she referred. I'm kinnda like lily, I don't go for the rumours. Sometimes they invent rumours about me and I give them a good violent speech and they start talking about me again. oh well what can I do about these school bitches? Anyway, i loved Lily's reaction towards Lauren. Good work!
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I think Seeminglymeaningless has a point, I don't think anybody would ever even talk to someone who had that much rumours floating around them. Let alone meet with them and talk with them.

I enjoy the idea, that this could be possible, but it would not likely happen.

The story is good and I liked the way you had the definitions; it shows you have your own type of writing style.

Good work and as the other have pointed out there is a few spelling mistakes and typos, but you'll figure them out.

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The idea for this short story came to me in the shower, and I hurried to write it down. It's about how rumours can destroy somebodies life. It's partly based on my experience with having rumours spread about me, but this is a lot worse than what I went through.

Interesting idea. Erjo, on with the review.

Gossip - n a. somebody who habitually reveals fats concerning other people b. a chatty talk

Do you mean 'facts' instead of 'fats,' ? ^_^

The girls looked shocked, but were hanging onto their friend’s every word.

I'm not sure I agree with the wording here. I think that it would sound better rephrased as, "The girls looked shocked, but still hung onto their friend's every words.' I don't know, it just sounds better to me.

Diane leaned in, all the other girls following her lead.

Maybe this is a bit brisk or a bit rushed. I think here would be an ideal opportunity to insert some description of the girls, the surroundings. Or maybe the minimal descriptive approach suits your writing style.


Rumours- n a statement or report circulated without conformation of its truth

Do you mean, 'confirmation' instead of 'conformation' ?

Lily and Sarah walked arm-in-arm to the canteen. On the way, they passed a girl sitting by herself, who looked perfectly happy apart from her blotchy red eyes.

I'm not sure that there should be hyphons inserted in between 'arm in arm.' Minor detail, though.

They may have loved her, but there was no way she was risking further embarrassment by having her parent’s storm down to the school.

No need for an apostrophe in parents.

“Hi Lauren. Um… I’m Lily, from school. I’m new. You might have seen me today. I was walking to the canteen with Sarah Newman, and she said some things about you. You looked pretty upset, so I got your number from the school directory. I um, thought you might like to talk or something?”

I don't know about you, but in my school they'd never give out pupils' telephone numbers. Maybe it's different with you?


“I didn’t think you’d come.”

Lily turned around. Lauren was standing behind her. She wasn’t smiling, yet she didn’t look unhappy.

“I said I would, and I always keep my promises.”

“You don’t have a baby, do you?”

Lauren shook her head.

“Little brother. Mum came to pick me up one day and brought him. He rushed straight into my arms, and everybody started saying he was my child.”

Lily nodded. “And your sister’s not a prostitute, right?”

Lauren laughed, a small smile appearing on her lips.


I have to commend you on your excellent dialogue skills - the conversation was very realistic.

And Lily listened, not once saying anything, understanding completely what the strange but intriguing girl was saying because rumours and lies had also ruined her life previously, and she knew how important it was to have a kind ear once and a while.

Aww. This was such a sweet sentence to end with. But just one thing - it's "once in a while", with an 'in' instead of an 'and'.

Kudos to you! *hands out cookies*
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