Soul

The day was warm, with the sun shining bright overhead. The sky was a priceless blue, with nary a cloud to damage its perfection. The young woman stood alone on the rock edge of the beach, waves lapping gently against the rock she stood upon. The beach was isolated, the water a storm grey despite the sun. A light breeze danced along the waves and around the woman. Her eyes closed for a moment, enjoying nature in its essence.

When she opened them there was a man in a boat no more than a few feet away from her. A memory long lost, re-visiting for the last time. The young man beckoned to her, his dazzling grey eyes dancing with excitement. She lept from the rock, landing in the boat lightly. Her dress settled again, disturbed from her flight. No words were spoken, there was no need to. They knew what the other thought, for their souls were connected from thousands of years before. Each time the aged souls connected, the love grew strong, and more desperate. For each time the two halves met, just as suddenly they were ripped apart.

She did not know him, but her soul did. They were destined to be together, and torn away again. The young lady sat at the bow of the boat, watching his muscles ripple as he rowed them away from the shore line. After a time, he stopped rowing, just letting the waves carry them. He looked up, his eyes meeting her gaze, green eyes sparkling with amusement. His face crinkled as he smiled at the joke.

All too soon the man began rowing back to shore. The wind had picked up, tugging at the loose strands in the girl’s hair. Storm clouds were rolling fast across the horizon. Thunder rumbled in the distance, the rainstorm almost upon them. As the boat neared the rock edge, the rain began to fall. It was heavy, cold rain that soon soaked them both. The young lady climbed out of the boat, and onto the rock. She waved good bye, one hand over her heart. The young man waved as well, his own hand on his heart, and then he was gone from her.

When the woman opened her eyes, the memory was gone. The sea was calm, the memory faded. She turned from the water, heart heavy and headed back to another world far different from that young man’s. Unaware of what could have been.

OMG that was so beautiful... so heartbreakingly romantic lol. i loved it, it was so confusing i so want to know what is going to happen next, and why there souls were so joined. i loved it
I couldnt find anything wrong with it. it caught my attension immediatly from the first sentence
keep writing - i want to read more!

awww...this was a really sweet story, and i really enjoyed reading it. the way you described everything really pulled me into the story, and kept me there the whole time, and I was even a little sad when it ended. not that it was to short, don't get me wrong. it was the perfect length, because if truth be told, i usually avoid reading long stories, simply because I don't have a lot of time. but yours was short and very adorable.

I'm sorry that there are some things I would like to critique, but don't take them like i'm any kind of authority, because i'm not. these are just some things that i noticed, and didn't like as much as the rest of the story. and there's not that many anyway:

1. "The young woman stood alone on the rock edge of the beach. The waves lapping gently against the rock she stood upon."

I thinkg these two sentances should be connected with a comma, right after "beach" becuase they don't flow very well when they're separate.

2. "She turned from the water, heart heavy and headed back to another world far different from that young man’s."

I guess I just don't like that the story ends with a possessive. it seems a tad akward to me, and perhaps you could just switch around the sentance a bit. but then again, if you like it that way, then i can't really argue, cause it's really just an opinion sort of thing.


My favorite part of the whole story was this:

"He looked up, his eyes meeting her gaze, green eyes sparkling with amusement. His face crinkled as he smiled at the joke."

I love that part, i don't know why. it's just really cute and sweet and personal, and it made me smile just reading it.

Overall, loverly story, i absolutely adored it. thanks so much for the gorgeous read!

Thank you. You were correct. It is fixed. Hopefully it is better now. After I wrote this, I created a second story to this, but not sure if to post it or not.

Ladylark,

Hello! How are you? I hope that fine ^^ Anyway, to your critique:



Quote:
The young man beckoned to her, his dazzling grey eyes danced with excitement.
Times. “dancing” - consider.


Quote:
Each time the aged souls connected,
I don’t’ like the repetition. Perhaps it was made on purpose, but I still don’t like it.


***

So that’s the end of the horridly short line-by-line critique. Very nice, that (:

Generally, I think I liked it. I liked the concept, the idea; I think liked how the story was built. What I do think, however, is that there could have been more - wistfulness? More of a sense of something lost?

Also, the beginning - three first sentences started with “the”. That didn’t draw me in at all, you know? But, all in all, the story it was well-written and well-structured. Post that second story (:


Cheers,
Esme