I really like how you "tried" to explain how her hair was, how you said that it was something you had to see to believe. It gives the reader a reason to exercise their imaginations.
But, yeah, I really liked it, and I haven't looked, but I hope that there's more.
Reading this piece was tons of fun and slightly touching.
I understand that his tendencies to really stink with words is probably due to his mental disorder, imprisonment, and possibly lack of education. But! I did find it odd that he was able to use similes about autumn to describe her hair, and say that her trousers 'enhanced her sophistication' while other times he uses descriptions like 'you kind of' and 'lots of things'. I really think the whole story would be better if you went either white or black with it. Either he has a good vocabulary despite his mental illness (and many of the mentally ill and insane are geniuses) or his mental illness and poor quality of life have prevented him from developing those skills.
With the story as is I simply can't forget that it's a writer trying to be a mentally ill imprisoned man.
Okay, with my tidbit about his vocabulary inconsistency said, I'm still in love with this piece!
My laughter is of musical melodies. My screams are of blood. -Carly
Oh my goodness!!! This is truly brilliant! I love the way you wrote in first person, it made you feel like he really was confused! You've used first person well and the story is just fab! There were a few errors but wow. Simple and easy to understand! I wish I could write more like you! Hope ou make a next part!!! WOW
keep writing!
'This isn't funny Dean, the voice says i'm almost out of minutes!' - Castiel ~ Nothing is true, everything is permitted... Live by the Creed... Be Discreet...
I think that this is interesting. I like the part about how her hair is "the colour of Autumn," i think that that is really nice. the moment you said that, my head went to my best friend abby,who looks kind of like that, but the rest of the description didn't fit, so, oh well. keep writing!!!!
oh yeah, I didn't misspell colour- that's how it's supposed to be spelled.
Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow" -mary anne radmacher
