Stand

Will we not stand up?
For kids wallowing in poverty?
While we are complaining about food ready to be consumed,
They try convincing themselves that hunger does not exist.
We complain about shoes not matching our clothes,
Their bare feet bleed on diseased ground.

Will we not stand up?
For single mothers trying to get by?
Our complaints about our income echo the air,
And she gives herself away in wretched silence,
So she and her baby can still dine another day.

Will we not stand up?
For this war that isn’t really a war;
A fight half fought over fossil fuels.
Can we not speak out,
For voices lost in gunfire?
Let’s bring them home to their hoping families.

Will we not stand up?
For those who cannot stand?
Let us give voices to those waiting to be heard.
Stand, for what you believe- for what you don’t.
Don’t sit there idly, complaining even though your vote was not cast.
Instead of sitting and waiting as the times pass you by-
For it is time for us to stand as one.

Nice job on this poem. It's a good reminder to all of us of the little things that we take for granted every day, and it's really thought provoking. These are the kind of things that I've been thinking about lately, so you just put them into words for me. Thanks.

I disagree with the politics of it, but a very well written poem. My exhausted mind sees no errors.

the thing that makes this poem so strone is that its true, and yet so little number of people actually try to help the situation with poverty etc.

poems like this make you wanna do something
well done

-grimy

You utilize the use of simple language to speak to the reader in a down-to-earth way.
Good going! Reading this, it reminds me of how fortunate we truly are to live in a place
that has food, water, electricity, the basic necessities of life. Instead of saying "kids" in the first stanza, you could have used "children." It would give the poem a better ring.
Try to use a little more sophisticated language sometimes, but keep writing!

Thanks for the Crits. everybody!

Hello there,

well done on this piece it's very informative and sophisticated. If more people though like this maybe we'd have a better world then we do today. We use this gift of god to our own extent polluting it with our factories and such. It's terrible that we whine for our good fortune while we watch other people suffer. Well anywho I'm getting off track, good luck with future projects and other writing pieces.

With all due respect,

Mackenzie

I felt the ending was particularly strong, and overall you used rhetorical questions very well.

The Stanza about war seemed out of place, breaking the pattern of two directly sequential rhetorical questions. It's well written, no doubt, but the change just seemed... odd

More positively, the flow of the poem was generally good and made it easy to read. Good job!

Will we not stand up?
For kids wallowing in poverty?
While we are complaining about food ready to be consumed,
They try convincing themselves that hunger does not exist.
We complain about shoes not matching our clothes,
Their bare feet bleed on diseased ground.

<"They try convincing ..." is an oddly phrased line>

Will we not stand up?
For single mothers trying to get by?
Our complaints about our income echo the air,
And she gives herself away in wretched silence,
So she and her baby can still dine another day.

<'dine' seems like a wrong word; make it more descriptive>

Will we not stand up?
For this war that isn’t really a war;
A fight half fought over fossil fuels.
Can we not speak out,
For voices lost in gunfire?
Let’s bring them home to their hoping families.

<"For ... gunfire" is a solid line>

Will we not stand up?
For those who cannot stand?
Let us give voices to those waiting to be heard.
Stand, for what you believe- for what you don’t.
Don’t sit there idly, complaining even though your vote was not cast.
Instead of sitting and waiting as the times pass you by-
For it is time for us to stand as one.

<Rocky ending>

I felt the repetition isn't necessary for a poem this length. It has a "stop and go" flow. It's a nice idea of a poem, but essentially I feel as if it should be longer so you can describe things more effectively. Also, the word choice (diction) is off. I suggest keeping a theme within' the poem and stanzas.

Very deep thought. I really like this poem, as it shows us what we should be grateful about and what others do not have. It reminds us that there are people out there dying everyday because of other people's mistakes. Great poem! Really is!

No no no no no no!
This not how to write good poetry, let alone poetry in general. This is a generic, tired idea told in a generic, uninteresting, uninspired way. I'm serious, while we can all agree that the sentiment is in the right place, this poem could hardly compell me to get up from the computer, and pour a glass of orange juice.

This is not a powerful plea, because it is not an emotional plea. I fail to understand why, if you care so deeply about this subject, you cannot express it in compelling terms. But you're not alone. Everybody who writes a poem with this same idea, has it come out the same. It's aflagrant violation of the golden rule of writing; show don't tell. This poem is all telling, it's you telling me what to do. I don't care.

Here's how to do it.

1. Narrow your focus; I don't need to hear about the myriad problems of the world. Tell me about one specific problem and it'll broaden my focus more effecitively. A telescope has a small end and a big end. You look in the small side to see more than you normally would. If you stare in the large end, what you see is of no use. Please take one of your images, or a new one entirely, and focus in on it like you wouldn't believe.

2. WIth your narrowed focus, it's time to make your poem actually readable. Readers love imagery, readers love stories. Include both. Be sharp and to the point, but also, make sure to highlight several points which will make the focus more interesting. In the end, it's excusable to throw out a moral, but make sure that it applies to the larger world, and not that you're telling us that it does. Don't treat the reader like an idiot.

I've run out of time, but I could say more. Much more.

A lot of it is true, but hopefully this review thingy-majig will not turn into a political debate forum. So, is this poem supossed to rhyme, cuz it doesn't.

Reepicheep says high, and that the duel will take place in a few minutes. Don't miss it!

Please read and critique my poem because I don't think you did yet. I like the poem, but there is something missing that will give your poem some flavor. I don't know what, but you should think on that. *giggle* Risa actually thinking. *giggle*

You know this is all in fun. Hurry and get points so you can start your storybook!

Bye Risa!