Really?

Hi guys, its me,Jordan. This is a story that I came up in class today on my free time
so it might be not that good, but tell me what you think of it. Cririques are good but messages sent to my inbox are even better. Thanks!



Really?


Gaivin and Amber were friends since they were only five years old,they had grown up together. By the ninth grade they started getting closer then just friends. Amber noticed that he started acting strange around her, she asked him what was up. He replied, "I've been meaning to ask you something."
"What?"Amber asked.

"Um I don't know how to say this any differently then just, I really like you and I was wondering if you wanted to go out sometime"Gavin said shyly. Ameber was astonished, she liked Gavin alot too and she didn't know that he liked her in that way until now. "Yes, I would love to,its kind of emberassing but I have liked you since the beginning of this year"Amber said admittingly.

"I know me too, I wanted to tell you for the longest time but I wasn't sure if you liked me more then a friend"Gavin replied back to Amber. After they were done talking to one another they gave eachother a hug and began to walk down the cluttered hallways of Gulders High School.


I know its a piece of crap, but I thought maybe people would think differen, but if you don't
like it its fine.

I thought it was rather sweet, and so adorable. Myabe if you want you can lengthin this so that we can feel an emotional connection with the characters Gavin and Amber. Like describing how they look, how they act, how they feel, what they are doing, where they are at, and why they are there. I think this might be a good short story if you lengthin it out more; however if you choose not too than here's some other stuff.

Gaivin(Gavin) and Amber were friends since they were only five years old,they(old, they) had grown up together. By the ninth grade they started getting closer then just friends. Amber noticed that he started acting strange around her, she asked him what was up. He replied, "I've been meaning to ask you something."
"What?"(space)Amber asked.

Just go through and fix the stuff I pointed out.

"Um(maybe you could use- Umm...) I don't know how to say this any differently then just, I really like you and I was wondering if you wanted to go out sometime(.)"Gavin said shyly. Ameber was astonished, she liked Gavin alot too and she didn't know that he liked her in that way until now. "Yes, I would love to,(space)its kind of emberassing but I have liked you since the beginning of this year(.)"Amber said admittingly.

"I know me too, I wanted to tell you for the longest time but I wasn't sure if you liked me more then a friend(.)"Gavin replied back to Amber. After they were done talking to one another they gave eachother a hug and began to walk down the cluttered hallways of Gulders High School.

I would rather like it if you made a longer short story about Gavin and Amber, or maybe even a bunch of short stories about how they live their lives, how they fal in love- you know stuff like that. i liked your word choice, just work on the details, and you'll get alot better.

GOOD LUCK!

^_^