Passing

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This will be a winter,
without snow, without Christmas.

Passing through the city,
the world turns it’s back, ashamed.
It’s once proud plume deftly plucked,
the rivers in it’s canals have been sucked dry.
And souls drift it’s shallow channels,
the Greek underworld’s entrance beckoning.

Passing through the streets,
the houses blink mournfully,
their masters gone from their empty mouths,
their eyes in splinters, their hearts looted
fires and meals in their stomachs in a distant memory.

Passing over the roofs,
the stars turn their bright eyes away.
If they know what has gone on since last year,
they refuse to say, to say, to say.

Looking fearfully at the wolves,
It’s too much of a risk to ask.
The shattered mosque windows
bleed and stare blankly ahead,
If they know what has gone on…
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.

Oscar Wilde.




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Firstly, all your it's should be its. It's is short for it is, and its means something belongs to it.

This will be a winter,
without snow, without Christmas.


I would put the first without on the first line, and take the comma after winter out, to show us where this is going (on it's own, "This will be a winter" is a bit of a strange/obvious statement), and also, alliteration is always awesome. ^_^
I like your imagery in the third stanza.

Passing over the roofs,
the stars turn their bright eyes away.
If they know what has gone on since last year,
they refuse to say, to say, to say.


This stanza confused me a little. Firstly, I don't like the repetition in the last line, it seems to just be there to make the line long enough to fit in with the rest of the stanza, and doesn't add anything to the poem. This is also the only stanza in which you rhyme - you haven't rhymed all through the poem, so why start now?

I like the imagery you use, especially the houses, and the stars. I also like the "passing through the..." theme which runs through the poem. Keep writing.
Matt.



As the notifications drift in I stop and wonder. Why do they take so long? Do they have adventures we don't know about? I bet they do. When they come I will ask myself. What amazing adventure has this straggling notification been on? How far did it travel, and why didn't it take me?
— TypoWithoutCoffee