The Wind that Carries Me

I edited this a very little bit....basically all that means is that i fixed the mistakes that everyone pointed out to me. Thanks XD

Also, I added everything else i had written for Chapter One up until my page break, so there's a bit more there...although it may be an infodump, so beware...

Removed DX

Hello! I have a couple things I want to point out to you, but your story made me laugh (in the good way). I thought it was very sharp and witty and just well put together. But, like I said before, there are a couple things I want to point out.

Well then, enough of that. If the above is the type of story you’re after, please save yourself the trouble and return it to the shelf---I’d prefer not to waste you time, for most of us have so little as it is these days. This is not that kind of novel----a false, over-sugared mass of boredom, nor is it an excessive flow of disjointed dramas. It is a true, solid account of an actual romance. My romance.

Don’t be disappointed if you were one of those after tears and drama---like most, my story has its share. Unlike most, however, my story is strikingly different. For one thing, I am not your average romance-story girl---submission has never quite been my forte, and I don’t perform too well in the role of “damsel in distress”. And for another thing, I don’t fall for an irresistibly handsome warrior type. I don’t turn head-over-heels for that perfect, wealthy Mr. Right whose eye I have been oddly fortunate to catch. And I don't fall for the wildly unobtainable guy who I somehow manage to obtain in the end.

No. No. No. This is something I'd find in a review or on the back of the book, not in the book. You don't need to tell me flat out that this isn't like any other romance novels, I should figure it out for myself by reading the story. Work on building your characters and plot; let them tell me that this isn't like any other romance novel.

I fall in love with the wind.

This was the only thing I liked in your preface. It has the right amount of mystery and it makes me want to keep reading. This sentence right here tells me exactly what I need to know.

Vita had found a bush, and she raked it through her hair for the third session that morning.

I think you ment "brush".

I absolutley loved Chapter 1. Your characters are funny and they stick in my head. They aren't plain and boring. I just started cracking up about the whole rogue thing. I wanted to slap Miss Vita across the face and that's good, because that means you made a believable character.

Good work and good luck with the rest of this piece!

~N~

I cringed each time I was forced too

Change 'too' to 'to'.

Other than that, the person above me caught everything else.

Quick guess. When you say she falls in love with the wind, do you mean she falls in love with an elemental that uses the wind? Because I really like the way you presented that.

Overall I found this really enjoyable. Your characters were exceptionally real and stood out to me. There personalities were presented, and I've got my views on them. Anyway, good job. Even though Romance isn't my style, I like this so far. Keep it up.

I really enjoyed your preface and part of chapter one, I do like your idea of the Elementals as this is an idea i played around with myself unlike Nariel I did like how you began, i have read a few books that started this way and they all turned out to be really good, I also think it does tell you a lot about the book, but you have to deliver on everything you said or else the beginning will be no good. But overall a great start i hope you keep going with this idea.
PM me when you have mor eout please!

Thank you everyone for your reviews, and for catching those little mistakes in there that I probably never would have seen XD

Well, I think all the corrections have already been pointed out so I will do some encouraging!

I fall in love with the wind.

Absolutely loved in. Since we don't really what that means just yet, it was kind of abstract and leaves you hanging. Falls in love with the wind? How does that work out. Must read on.

Elementals...

I really like the idea of it. And so far it doesn't sound like something I've seen before and I'm sick of. Your MC is really likable. She has a flare to her written voice that you can't help but feel is quietly amusing.

Anyway, keep up the good work!

Hello.
Firstly, you have a very unique story opening here. I cannot say that I have read anything like it before - not that this is a bad thing, far from it infact.
The one line

I fall in love with the wind.

automatically drew me in.

I found one mistake. You wroke bush instead of brush. Other than that I couldn't think of any other problem with it.
I will mention that I found it slightly confusing to start with, but after the explaination at the end, it made much more sense. I would love to find out what these 'elementals' actually are!

Good Luck with the rest!!

Thanks for the comment...I'm glad that you find the story unique, cause that's what I was aiming for. =D

As for the rest of the preface, I'm not too thrilled about it myself, but I just wanted to put that last line in there somehow, and this was the only way I could think of lol