Running,
Falling,
Feral gong,
Mistic,
Morbid,
Haunting song.
Pheonix feather,
Sprightly elf,
Dishes,
Falling,
Off the shelf.
Shattered,
Broken,
Beyond repair,
Words unsaid,
And things unfair.
Cold and Heartless.
Lifeless.
Dead.
No light behind,
No light ahead.
Crashing,
Falling,
Slipping,
Bleeding,
From our blood
The dark
Is feeding.
Crimpson rivers,
Futile flight.
Only tunnel
No more light.

Wow, I love the meter of that poem. It is very--I dunno what words to use. Anyway, I love it.

I like the flow of this poem! It's good to see someone using short sweet sentences instead of huge, long ones!

Thanks!

That was deep and well paced at the same time. Really good.

Oh, hello again, pricelesslove! Thanks!

Well, that was depressing. A little choppy for my tastes, but you did get the point across very well.

Normally I don't like choppy poems -- they seem... forced. But I really liked this one. I liked the last two lines: "Only tunnel / No more light". I didn't really like "Mars is bright", for some reason it didn't seem to fit.

Otherwise, it was really nicely done.

<3

Angel xx

HI JANE!!! WELCOME TO YWS!!!!!!!
AWSOME poem as usual... i love the rythym, the ryhme, the mood of it, everything... great. i would not change anything at all. i didnt know you were into poems, i thought you mostly did stories. wow alot of people responded.. you have way better luck on this site than me (hint hint to anybody reading this!) any way, loved the poem, keep writing!!!

crap. That is seriously amazing. I like how it's kind of choppy, it seems really intense. I like the images of breaking dishes and tunnels and blood in the night. Yeah, great job Jane.

I liked reading this. I didn't mind the choppyness of it, because it simply worked. Why it worked here and not other places I've seen, I have no idea, but that doesn't really matter.

I agree that the "Mars light" thing didn't really work very well. But maybe I'm missing some significance of it.

Mars is bright replaced with futile flight.. Better?

I like "Mars is bright" better. But maybe that's just me. Does it have some significance? Anyway, it sounds great in my opinion.

:p Suposedly the romans said that mars was the god of war of somthing.. I dont know where I learned that though so it might be just one of those fasle facts I picked up on the internet.

Is great! Short lines with much meanings. The rythem, rhyming and structure, is what I liked....
It's like telling, with words, about a dark time..

Yay! Keep on!