Please Don't Run

I just wrote this a few minutes ago.



Please don’t run.
You won’t be late.
Love’s too strong,
To kill and hate.
Why the rush?
Please don’t hurry.
Life’s too short,
To fear and worry.
Don’t take action,
With unnecessary speed.
Definitely don’t race;
This I plead.
Please don’t run.
You won’t be late.
The Lord will meet you,
At the gate.

There is some really great rhyming in here! it doesn't seem forced and isn't unnecessary. good work!
There are so many oppurtunities for semi colons in here. you could afford to add in a few more just for oppurtune punctuation.
For something u wrote a few minutes ago, its really very good.
you could even extend on it further
i like it especially because it is straight to the point.
good work

The flow and tone are great! And I actually really like the length. Any longer and it might seem forced. I love the ending "The Lord will meet you/At the gate" because it's so simple but so full of meaning.

oOoOoOoO
I loved it!! it sounds soo good. haha uhm..well..obviously to me and other comment people the rhyming it just right..not too forced.

my favorite part:

Why the rush?
Please don’t hurry.
Life’s too short,
To fear and worry.

And then I agree with dailystatic that the ending is perfect. its kinda calm...but ends the poem..strongly. [?] hmph.

awesome poem!!!



_horsez919

bleh.

Thanks so much everybody!

"Life’s too short,

To fear and worry.

Don’t take action,

With unnecessary speed."

no, this sounds to long and breaks it up too much.

other wise bravo.

Thanks M.J.


I'll try to find alternate words.

hi, gamechanger im praise and i like your poem.
the special flow and delivery it had to it.


Please don’t run.

You won’t be late.

Love’s too strong,

To kill and hate.

Why the rush?

Please don’t hurry.

Life’s too short,

To fear and worry.

Don’t take action,

With unnecessary speed.

Definitely don’t race;

This I plead.

Please don’t run.

You won’t be late.

The Lord will meet you,

At the gate.


it also teaches good morals

clueless wrote:"Life’s too short,

To fear and worry.

Don’t take action,

With [s]unnecessary[/s] speed.

[s]Definitely[/s] don’t race;" I'm sure you can find better word instead of this.

no, this sounds to long and breaks it up too much.

I agree with that critique. That was the only word(s) that has been a thorn in my eye. Otherwise good, well written, spontaneous and with flowing...I'll give you 9/10.

"Please don’t run.

You won’t be late.

The Lord will meet you,

At the gate."

Love the ending.
The only issues I have are with "Definitely don’t race;" I feel like it doesn't come out right.. maybe you could put something like "never race".
Anyway, love it!