Stupid, Really

threats and ill wishes
no thoughts but his own and
the latest myspace comment
stuffed with exalted hopes
of seeing each other sometime next fall
when all parties involved suffer mutual animosity

adolescent talk of movies
and last nights dramatic fight over chopsticks
in a low end joint smoking home grown week
chewing gum left in the rain
the night life enjoyed and
centre of local hype
miniscule things like murder and rape
have no place in a self proclaimed utopia

an eerie passage of time
frozen in memory
all the could-have-beens, if-onlys and dreams
now pieces broken by teenage ambition

Hmm... Overly-expectant? Overly-confident? I'm not sure. That's gonna bug me tonight now.

I like it... There's one part that's a bit awkward to me, though.

in a low end joint smoking home grown week and
chewing gum left in the rain is
the night life enjoyed and

While I do really like when phrases are split up like that, I think this is just too many in a row and it's a little too choppy.

Overall, though, very nice. Wish I had your talent!