God’s Night-Time Moon Jingle

I don't know where this should have gone, and Dramatic Poetry felt the best; if you disagree, just go wit it please. Thanks

God’s Night-Time Moon Jingle

6-28-05

Falling through the pin-prick night (uh!)
heart-beat depthness sizzles us tight,
he’s speeding fast to deliver your message,
of angsty dreams and lovely nights.

I’m walking home with you, my friend
alone in the sky, with me in the hand,
MacDonalds and Corporate America standing shattered.
–Standing!--
standing shattered.

It appears original in concept and execution, and that's always a positive thing. Although I can't confess to knowing what you are really trying to say, I'm sure if I concentrated, I could.

Political poetry...blegh. Not even I do that and I'm a wacky conservative. Sheesh.

Actually, the reference to "corporate America" was okay, but it didn't tie into the first stanza. In fact, the two stanzas are entirely different poems. You need a transition stanza between the two for it to make any sense to anyone but yourself, which you want people to understand because you posted it.

Sense is only for those who have not yet touched the well's bottom, and perhaps this was not written for anyone else.