fiction story

bida walked past her father's hut - which was the largest- and came to her mother's situated at the end of the compound close to the fireplace. her father, chief uma was the king of akwa village and the head of the entire umuna district. this compound served both as his residence and administrative palace. it was fenced round with mud walls constructed over ten years ago by his late father. in front of the compound stood a big gate and a smaller one at the back. the first building was the magnificient palace made of bamboo sticks. he ruled the village and district from this palace. at the center of the compound was the hut of the king surrounded by those of his seven wives, ten more hut were builth for the teenage children. bida was eigteen years old, light skinned, elegant, 5"7". she possessed adark curly hairs hanging down to her shoulders. her eyes were set in dark blue. bida wore two pieces of clothings, an upper wraper covering her bust and another covering her waist downwards. on her neck stood five rows of beads with an accompaning jigida on her waist. these made a tingling sound when she moved.she was bare footed and carried a air of happiness as she saw her mother, the first wife of chief uma. " goodday mama" she greeted. "thank you, my daughther" mrs. chinwe replied. the entire compound was buzzing with activities. today was her last day in her father's house. ******************************************** chapter 2

Hi! Welcome to YWS!

Don't know whethe anyone has told you but the rules on this site say that you are supposed to have posted two reviews before you submit something to be reviewed! The ratio is 2:1 so people dont just get their work reviewed and don't give anyone else a hand! I'm sure yu'll recitfy this situation now you know!

Anyhooooo, on to the review!

bida walked past her father's hut

Capital letter for a name....in fact, the whole thing is without a single capital letter....caps lock broken? lol...just make you add them to peoples names, names of places, beginning of sentences etc etc.

her father, chief uma was the king

Her father, Chief Uma, was.... - add the comma after Uma

it was fenced round with mud walls constructed over ten years ago by his late father.

I would also add a comma after "mud walls"

stood a big gate

Since this bit of the piece is so descriptive add some really emotive adjectives and try to avoid things like "big", which you have used here...same as words like "nice"...

at the center of the compound was the hut of the king

Comma needed after the word king

seven wives, ten more hut were builth for the teenage children.

Instead of the comma after "seven wives", I would put either a semi-colon or I would start another sentence... "hut" should be "huts" and there's a typo in the word "built"

she possessed adark curly hairs hanging down to her shoulders

There's number of ways you could change this sentence to make it make sense...I'm sure you could come up with them better than I could...

two pieces of clothings

Should be "clothing"

This all seems like its been written in a rush but the style is good...just general common mistakes that I'm sure you will put right once you have read through it a few times! PM me if you need any more help

Olivia
xxx