The best I can give is 2%

I really don't expect crits on this, since I've neglected critting for so long.

So why am I posting this?
I don't know.

Anyway, crits will be returned if you give a link/name the piece

The best I can give is 2%

embraced each other like defeat,
in the wee hours, we
sunk bourbon down thirsty throats
burned the chill, swallowed the choke, and
swapped healthy for sane. We may
have flooded out our love, but at
least we drowned the pain.

don’t cry over

We ordered out and
ate with sticks.
I swallowed words
and a paper slip, that read
like an obituary.
You told a joke like a secret,
stretched a crooked smile,
and between blushing cheeks whispered:
We’re like books. When we’re opened,
We’re red.

That one just killed me.
Still showing teeth stained read,
you mop me up like
spilled milk.
__________________

I really liked this. It's very different, and you can really feel the emotion. I just have a few nitpick things to say. 1) the lines that you wanted to be colored red aren't showing up that way; you might just want to show them black.
2 ) In the second verse, when you say we "ate with sticks" it sounds really weird. It'd be better if you put chopsticks.
3 ) In the second line, I think the "we" should be moved down a line.
Other than that, this was very interesting and did not seem to drag on like some poetry does; instead it moved at a nice speed and let the reader keep up without being confused about what was going on.

If you could do this it'd be great, but you don't have to. Feel free to rip it to shreds if you do.
topic30187.html

Great, you've made me jealous of how you write, are you happy now? I just love your tone, it sounds so good. I like how you swapped red and read around, assuming you did that on purpose. Also, the kind of subliminal message in red, I was about to say that "don't cry over" seemed rather random and superfluous, until I put those two lines together. Nothing really to criticize, sorry. All I can say is keep up the good work, and I love how much thought you've put into this piece and its meaning.

Ooh, it confused me initially, but I love the words in bold and the swap of "red" and "read". Very e. e. cummings.

I'm afraid this is going to be an utterly useless critique, because this is so brilliant. Let's see... I was thrown off a bit by the part about eating with sticks and swallowing a paper slip (btw, the obituary simile is gorgeous)- you could make it a bit more obvious that you're talking about Chinese food, unless it is obvious and I'm just dense. The title seemed a bit irrelevant- I suppose the "2%" part ties into the "spilled milk" line, but it still doesn't seem to quite fit the poem as a whole.

Otherwise, this was lovely- the wording, the imagery, the overall flow. I get the impression that you considered the connotations of every word, every phrase, yet it doesn't feel like you were trying too hard. Excellent work.

Don't feel obligated since this is a pretty weak crit, but I'd really appreciate your feedback on my poem "chrysalis," which is in my featured works.