The Road To The Future

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Entry For Cal's Character Contest

The Road To The Future

Picture 15

018. She

A worried frown creased above the girl’s designer sunglasses. Her usually faultless, manicured nails bore the tell tale signs of her concern. Bite marks had chipped away at the perfectly applied nail polish. The long, slender fingers twirled her hair nervously. Hair that shone as gold as the sun, which had now reached it zenith in the cloudless sky.
She sighed suddenly and in an air of resignation leant heavily on the door of the shiny, red convertible. Eyes, as blue as the empty sky above, stared wistfully down the long desert track, that seemed to stretch to eternity. Only the tall, dark telephone poles, which marched obstinately alongside the sandy road, served as a break in the featureless landscape.
The girl sat up abruptly. The frown vanished and her heart shaped face relaxed into its natural beauty. Behind the sunglasses the eyes lost the anxious, searching look and gleamed dazzlingly, like oval diamonds set in the pale marble of an exquisite artwork. He was back at last, what a hero.
Sensuous lips parted in a beautiful smile, revealing pearly white teeth as he neared the car.
‘Took your time, didn’t you?’ She giggled playfully. He glared at her, though the eyes shoved no malevolence, only possessed that humorous twinkle she loved so much.

046. Hands

Rough, oily hands hefted the petrol can over to the rear of the car and placed it down carefully. Muscles strained beneath his tattoo covered skin as he lifted and poured the precious contents into the thirsty car. Where the black and grey skin wasn’t hidden by the stained wife beater, it was slimy in sweat. Even so, this did not stop the girl from hopping daintily over the door, running up and planting a large, smacking kiss on his dirty, stubble strewn cheek.
When the can was empty he tossed it into the back of the car. With his hands in the small of his back he stretched off. Groaning slightly as his spine clicked.
‘That was emotional!’
‘How far did you have to walk babe?’ The girl’s bright blue eyes gazed at him worriedly, fearing the answer to her question. As if the thought of it being a long way and her man having to exert himself too much upset her. However he was sensitive to this and merely replied,
‘Oh, not far darling.’ In his cool, casual tone. Although this was far from the truth.
She beamed up at him.
‘I’m glad.’
He grinned at her suddenly and she felt her heart flutter, as she had the first night they met. Seduced by the charming smile and sensitive, dark eyes.
‘Come on, lets get outta’ here.’

025. Warmth

She could feel the warmth of the leather seat against her red and white pattern vest top. Bare feet rested on the dashboard, knees hunched, arms clasped around them. Wheels spun in the grainy surface and then they were off, roaring down the track, a cloud of dust in their wake. The hands unclasped, and reached skyward. She raised her face, eyes squinting in the bright sunlight. The air rushed through her long blond hair, making it streak behind her like a golden comet tail. Woohooo. She felt so alive, invigorated by the sense of freedom and her striking boy beside her. The day wore on and the road became more steep and rocky, the sun dipped lower in the sky. At the top of the incline, he turned the car into a small, sheltered lay by.

027. Purple

The sunset spread magnificently across the horizon. Jagged, purple peaks of far away mountains cut into the streaky sky. They were sat on the bonnet, its shiny surface reflecting the myriad of colours that stretched across the great expanse of sky above. She shivered slightly and he, his senses so acute, wrapped his muscle bound arms around her, drawing her slender frame close. Responsively she laid her head on his shoulder and sighed. A happy, content sigh and that was all the communication the pair needed.

011. Fingers

He let the car coast slowly down the bumpy track, dawn was breaking and they were on the road again. He turned to her suddenly, those deep, dark eyes, questioning.
‘No regrets?’ He asked, watching her face closely.
She reached for his hand and intertwined her long, slender fingers with his tattooed digits and then leant over and kissed him long, hard, passionately. It was the only answer he needed.
She could forget the past. She wanted only to enjoy the present with her beautiful, wild boy. She looked to the future with all the hope her inexperienced, young mind could muster.[b]
i'm so lost x5




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Hi! you are a very unique writer! now, to the critique...you need details! what did the girl and the guy look like? how old were they? what were their NAMES? i cant stress the fact enough. Its a very cute story, but if you tried to get a publishing company to publish a entire book like that, they would turn you down... now dont let my critique bug you, its only to help you
:lol:

keep writing!
I came into this world wrinkled and ugly. And no matter how much I accumulate here, it's a short journey. I will go out of this world wrinkled and ugly. So I enjoy life.




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I liked this a lot. I agree with Emma that you have a very unique style of writing. However, I don't think you necessarily need more details, like their names and ages and appearances and so on. I think too many details often make writing cluttered and not as poetic as it might be if the mind is left to wander and imagine the details. Good job with this.

I didn't notice any major problems with it. Occasionally a comma was left out, but only small details like that.

Nice job!
Sgt: Now, it's quite simple to defend yourself against a man armed with a banana. First of all you force him to drop the banana; then, second, you eat the banana, thus disarming him. You have now rendered him 'elpless.
Palin: What if he's got a bunch?




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I'm slowly becoming a big fan of yours young man! I noticed one typo but I can't remember where it was and I'm not in the mood to go searching for it! Lol!

It's a very good entry for the contest anyway and I wish you all the luck in the world. I think you should learn to write in Welsh though! Haha!

Olivia
xxx



Maybe our favorite quotations say more about us than about the stories and people we're quoting.
— John Green