My poetry

Secret to life

Nobler and Nobler
my dearest friend
be true to yourself
as you have been for me
and you shall go without worries
or a care in the world
and you shall finish any task
that has been deemed impossible


The Forest
I strolled up to the forest
and as I neared it,
I could almost hear a child's laughter
rustling around with the trees

the forest looked like it had eluded aging
as if it had stood there
swaying peacefully for all time
with no company but the wind

I look up to see the sun setting
into a watery pinkish gold
I yawn loudly
and look for a place to sleep

I spy a growth of moss underneath a fluffy fir tree
I lay down on the makeshift bed
and slowly drift into deep sleep
well.. these are kinda good..lolol

I really enjoyed this poem. It had a sweet metre that was almost like a nursery rhyme - very innocent and pleasant. I do wish that you'd added some punctuation in this poem, because otherwise it makes it hard to read smoothly. However, I have no idea whether this was an intended device, or not.

the forest looked like it had eluded aging

This line is really very interesting. Most people describe forests as being ancient, and looking so. However you have done something different and interesting. It also has a lovely metre.

pinkish gold

This is just my personal opinion, but i adore the use of "ish" as a suffix. It reads like a cop-out of proper description.

and slowly drift into deep sleep

This seemed a little bit like lazy writing. It's all too easy to end a poem with the narrator nodding off. Try rephrasing it, and giving us something different - a different angle on the perception of falling to sleep etc...


Well done! keep it up

Love
Kris

I looovee this poem!! (The forest) It's so sweet. =) Alright, now I'm going to critique it. But whatever I say, keep in mind that I LOVE it!




The Forest

I strolled up to the forest

and as I neared it,--grammatically, you SHOULD capitalize the first letter of each new line.... I'm not sure if it's grammatically correct not to.

I could almost hear a child's laughter

rustling around with the trees--you might want to give a hint on why you would hear a child's laughter. Maybe say, "...a child's laughter, from a summer day long ago." Or something.



the forest looked like it had eluded aging--i think your use of words hinders how great this line could be. I wold say try to make it a little less prose-ish, more poetic. (ex.- "the forest looked as if it had eluded aging...) instead of like. Actually, just little things like that throughout the whole poem would make it a whole lot better.

as if it had stood there--if you do add the "as if" in the above line, i don't think it would matter to have the repetition, but you do what you like with it.

swaying peacefully for all time

with no company but the wind--GREAT imagery!



I look up to see the sun setting

into a watery pinkish gold--I have to agree with Kris on this one, I love the "ish" part of pinkish. =) it really gives a good feel.

I yawn loudly--"loudly" doesn't really fit the setting you have created. Softly, or quietly would fit a little bit better.

and look for a place to sleep--again, agreeing with Kris, sleep is a little bit of a cliche way to end a beautiful poem. But if you must, you must. =)



I spy a growth of moss underneath a fluffy fir tree

I lay down on the makeshift bed--instead of "I" at the beginning, "and" would continue it a little better. Then on the next line, you could add, "as I" instead of and again.

and slowly drift into deep sleep--deep sleep?? try something a little more original.


alright, there you have it. keep writing poems! you rock at them.

bye for now,

_clue.

I like it nice beginning and I loved how you made it more personal and summed it all up so well at the end. Great job