My art for your heart.

5 posts
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Gender Male
Points 1172
Reviews 112
I shall write you in verse,
but my words will be plain.
For I can find no lexis -
arcane or cliché.
No phrase can I find,
to take your breath away.

You are too fine for paint.
No pigment can I find,
to represent your wonder.
Your shades and hues,
and who would model?
I have only one muse.

Is there an instrument,
with sounds to justify
performing a symphony.
Tempo most smooth,
pleasant melody -
For it, your heart to move?

So now I concede,
there be no art -form.
To capture your love:
the one thing I need.




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Gender Male
Points 1105
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This is very good,keep it up.
An almost perfect use of the different forms of art.
I could not have expected better.
Like a city whose walls are broken is a man who lacks self control - Solomon




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Gender Female
Points 1767
Reviews 40
This was very good, but I found these lines so close together seemed a little repetitive:
No phrase can I find; No pigment can I find
.
If you could use a different word for "find" I think this would be awesome. I loved how you described it and liked the use of all the different art you suggested at.
"With every joy that passes
Something beautiful remains."




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Gender Female
Points 23425
Reviews 566
Yeah, this made me go "awwwww". I liked how you addressed music, writing and art to make your point. Only one thing: "there be no art -form" didn't sound quite right to me, I think "there is..." would sound better. Apart from that, your poem moved me, which I'm sure is what it meant to do, and so it has succeeded perfectly. Well done. :)
Matt.




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Gender Male
Points 890
Reviews 103
Hi Kris-san! I liked how you showed us how important this person is to you and how art cannot capture the true wonder of this person. The only thing though, is that it seem like you tried to rhyme but some of the poem's lines didn't rhyme with the others so, I think you should try to stick with ryming or free verse and not try to convine the two and then, I think it would sound better. Although, I thought it was good already.
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We do have funerals for the living. They're called birthday parties.
— Jill Biden (fictitiously), Hope Never Dies