Dandilions

Dandilions in the wind,

Pick one up, make a wish;

Watch your hopes

And watch your dreams

Float away on windy streams

Miniscule sailboats powered by

A frosted breath in the night sky--

Watch your hopes,

Watch your dreams.

Fly on tiny

Dandilion wings.

A good poem. I love the imagery of the dandelion wings especially!

One thing I noticed is that the first three lines and the last three lines don't rhyme, but the four in the middle do. I would say if you want some to rhyme in your poem, then you should be consistent in it, otherwise I would leave it out. I might be wrong, but the whole poem changes style in those four lines, personally I think it would sound better if it all stuck to the same pattern. But I could be wrong.

Another thing I noticed was the use of the word "powered". The whole poem has a very peaceful, calm atmosphere, but the word "powered" just doesn't seem to fit in with the style of it. Mind you, I can't really think of another word to use, but definitely something that sounds a lot delicater.

One last little teeny tiny nitpick:

The two lines "watch your hopes, watch your dreams" is repeated twice (which is kinda the point I know ) but the line "watch your dreams" differs. At the beginning it is "AND watch your dreams" whereas at the end it is "watch your dreams". To get the effect of the repitition in the poem, I would change them to either one or the other, but again, this could be just me.

Other than that, I powerful poem with beautiful imagery. Favourite line: "fly on tiny, dandelion wings."!

Well, I loved this! It's utterly charming and the only points I have to make are related to grammar. I don't think the punctuation is quite right so I'm going to make a few changes. I'm not sure how correct they'll be - perhaps someone else will be more able to help out.

Also, dandelions has an 'e' in it, not two 'i's.

Dandelions in the wind -

Pick one up, make a wish.

Watch your hopes

And watch your dreams

Float away on windy streams,

Miniscule sailboats powered by

A frosted breath in the night sky.

Watch your hopes,

Watch your dreams,

Fly on tiny

Dandelion wings.

Aside from that, I don't really have a critique. It was nice and simple, with a brilliant metaphor in the middle. I thought it was great!

thanks! I know some of it doesn't rhyme, but I'm not the world's best rhymer... and I know the word 'powered kinda stands out... i'll have to try and fix it.

I like you picture, by the way. hilarious.

thanks to you too, I'm sure i know how to spell dandelions, just not very late at night.
Thanks again!

Thanks, Mushu is fairly cool

Glad to have helped you KaatiieBug!

no problem

I loved the way your rhymes flowed! you have such talent. I hope i get to see more of your work! u rock!

What I like the most about this poem, is not the imagery of the "tiny" little wings. Instead I favour your structure:

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This kind of layout resembles the dandelion seeds, floating in the breeze. I don't know if this was intentional or not, but I really thought it was superb.

thanks, all of you...
and no, it wasn't intentional... but i get it.