Red Balloon

A red balloon came drifting by,
floating free through the saphire sky.
The chickadees chirp,
The turtledoves croon,
"Where are you off to, red balloon?"

East of the sun and west of the moon,
East of the sun and west of the moon.

It floated in on a whisper of wind,
past countries where children are ailing and thin,
past forests polluted and burnt down and logged,
past cities with smokestacks that belted out smog.

A red balloon came drifting by,
floating free throgh the saphire sky.
The chickadees chirp,
The turtledoves croon,
"Where are you off to, red balloon?"

East of the sun and west of the moon,
East of the sun and west of the moon


It floated by on a tropical breeze,
past ruby red sunsets and emerald green seas,
past wild mountain meadows where horses run free,
and joy,life and beauty were all it could see.[/pre][/i]

This was very different from a lot of poems.
Typo:
"Where are you off to, red baloon?"
Balloon.
I liked it. However, it didn't seem very complete, like it was cut off in the middle of something. I don't know. It just felt like that to me.

I agree, this is really different fron the rest of the poems on here, thats what makes it so original. good job!

Yes, I liked it. It was...as though it was for children...but there was nothing about it that made it so that adults shouldn't read it. I liked it, a lot. But I do agree, it seemed wrong. The last line...it didn't see anything bad, in all of its journeys, through lands where children starve, through lands where smokestacks belted out smog? Nothing wrong? Maybe all it felt was goodness, but surely it saw more....surely it wasn't blind, and you tell us that this world was not perfect...don't you?

Your poem is haunting. I like the part about ailing children and smog and forests and things. But I agree that the last line seams a little out of place. but its really really awesome. Really beautiful..

thanks everybody, especially jennafina... psylynx, you confuse me!! wha...im easily confused..as for the last line, i originally wasnt going to put it, but my sister said the poem wasnt long enough or repeated itself too much or something, so i just tacked it on. i guess it was a little out of place.

Not bad. I definitely think it's a good start, but felt that you could do more with it, and expand on the concept. The repetition was the only thing I really didn't like.

I like this very much, although I think it would be better if instead of quotation marks you had those lines in italics.

but it's your choice.

I also agree with what PsyLynx had to say.

cheers CL

I liked reading this, but I my mind got caught up in the line "east of the sun and west of the moon". I just read a book called "East", that used that line as directions to a particular place, so my mind jumped back to that story, and it got jumbled up with the red balloon. But that's just me, and goes to show that what the reader brings to a poem really affects what they get out of it.

But when I went back and reread it, I kept my mind a little more focused, and I really enjoyed it. Nicely done.

Hey, I read "East", that's a good book. But anyway, nice poem. I like the part about polluted burnt down logged forests, it had nice rythym and rhyme and stuff. The very last line makes it seem a little... sing-songy or sugarcoated or something, which I don't get in the rest of the poem. But great job overall. Very cool.

I like it. But I agree that it feels too short. You should add more verses.

I didn't think it was that short, it seamed just the right length. but If you wanted to add more, id be interested to see the rest of the red baloons adventures.

Yeah, I think it was just the right length, any longer and.... I think it was very nice, and the ryming wasn't forced. Great job

Thanks everyone!no one posted on this for such a long time I had posted it.

I read east too... it's cool. I... borrowed that phrase... I know im a no good very bad plaguerizer but it was just one wee little phrase.
i like the idea about putting it in italics instead of quote marks, I think I'll do that.

I really liked this poem! =D> Its really nice! I'm not a huge fan of poetry myself but I think this is good. I think you should make It longer. At the end I was kinda like, "Awww, its over already!"