my fair william

face always covered, by the hair,
alone and hurting, too many problems,
im there, forever will be,
ill love you always, know that,
rarely outspoken, random and kind,
a spot in their heart, just for me,
forever and ever, always,
distance so great, cant deny it,
growing apart, yet always united,
bright and curious, the eyes are locked,
on the unknown future, i play apart,
waiting to see together, yet separate

fallsforyoueasily wrote:face always covered, by the hair,
alone and hurting, too many problems, ((this is incredibly overdone and cliché))
im ((I'm, capitalize Is and use proper contractions. I understand its poetry and there is an amount of poetic liscence but still...)) there, forever will be, ((again, poetic license. The punctuation is your decision, but the commas are gramtically incorrect and don't look good at all))
ill ((I'll)) love you always, know that, ((again, cliché))
rarely outspoken, random and kind, ((random and kind don't go together. The thing is that they aren't opposites either so their isn't contrast either, its just awkward to read))
a spot in their heart, just for me,
forever and ever, always, ((again, tremendously cliché))
distance so great, cant deny it, ((it is uneeded))
growing apart, yet always united, ((the slant rhyme is very choppy and rough, not good))
bright and curious, the eyes are locked,
on the unknown future, i play apart, ((do you mean a part as two seperate words?))
waiting to see together, yet separate

I'm going to be blunt, this was not good. Most teenage love poems aren't. There is very little description and what description is there is incredibly cliché. This was a sugarcoated critique, and, even from me, thats not good. The problem with most love poems is that they are like this and don't have the ability to be retooled without loosing their, well, 'love'. This does pale in one aspect to other love poems, and that is flow. Usually that is a love poems saving grace. That being said, the fact that the flow is off is a good thing because you strayed away from rhymes ((usually)) and at least attempted some literary effects. That being said, its not very good, and I don't feel its very salvagable. When you embark on your next poetic endeavor be sure to try your hardest to include literary devices such as motifs, deeper imagery, enjabment, syncope, among others.

Overall Rating - Bad

I liked it!!

~Your bestie, Ashlee!~