Untitled Poem

Try as I might,
I cannot rhyme today.
It's utterly hopeless
To even entertain the thought
Of writing anything
Worthy of reading.
But I suppose I'll try anyways-
For lack of anything better.
Besides, boredom is knocking on my door
And I sure as heck ain't opening it.


(ok, i wrote this in like 2 minutes... simply an attempt to fight off Writer's Block)

First off i commend you for fighting off writers block, its a terrible disease that haunts far to many carpal tunnels, next off i wouldn't put somtehing into a public forum that you are discouraged about, it distances yourself from making something worthwhile and kinda puts off your street cred around here.

wee keep up the good fight
to keep our spirits light.
- The Mountain Goats

hello there!
ok... first of all, i think that this isn't a terrible poem. I actually like it! And because of that, i reckon that it's definately worth my time and critisism (if you'll take it) and if i point out a LOT of stuff, please don't take it as an insult, because i think this poem has lots of potential and i'm also in the mood for reviewing! ^^
So, the final two lines are your strongest, methinks, which is good. They're the ones that stayed in my head.
The problem really with this poem is that it comes off as a reel of solid, day-to-day thought. I understand that when it comes down to it, poetry comes from your head (duh) but this is almost like 'hm... shall i have a shower this morning? Oh wait, didn't mum say that the hairdryer isn't working? Crap... did i break it...?' if you follow! (i know that was a very long-winded way of putting it, but just bare with me!). I'm not saying that it's the case with all of it, but it's noticable elsewhere. This is actually part of the poem's personality and charm, so you don't want to change that completely, but i guess it's important to drop in some more unusual things too that don't tend to mingle with people's thoughts.
Also, thinking about it, the people reading your poem on here have almost definately all experienced writers block, the bugger that it is, and so you must add into this piece what writer's block is to you (not necessarily the cheesy how it makes you feel and all that jazz) and why it ironically made you write a poem. Following? This review by the way, will be worthy of a freaking hardback cover when it's done; it's going to be looong.`

Try as I might,

I cannot rhyme today.

these first two lines are good. Simple. They're quite sweet i suppose! Plus, you get right down to the point which is necessary with a poem this short.

It's utterly hopeless

i was thinking that maybe you should consider truly exagerating this part. it would inject some interest into this line and make it a little different, a little more dramatic...

To even entertain the thought

Of writing anything

Worthy of reading.

So, the first line of this segement is good. I don't quite know why (and this is just my opinion) but it feels like 'notion' might do better than 'thought'. Will you consider? It's probably not worth tampering with, but maybe think about it.
The line-break between the final two lines are distracting though. It makes the final line redundant, or seem like an afterthought that is unnecessary. Also, the wording here isn't particularly imaginative. I think if you are interested in working on this poem, you should definately try to either make the vocabulary slightly wider and more unusual or rather to add in some particularly vivid and unusual imagery. The piece needs it.

But I suppose I'll try anyways-

again, something more dramatic than 'try' would be welcomed on this line. It's a hopeless phrase, right? It's sort of dry and despairing, so i think you need to illustrate this further. It could probably do with being more melodramatic, in my view. other than that, it's quite a nice line.

For lack of anything better.

You see, if you changed the line before this one to something like 'i suppose i shall struggle on hopelessly anyways' and then bracketed the line quoted above, it could end up adding a little more humour. Maybe i just have a bad sense of humour, but i think it would add more effect to a line that isn't particularly unusual, but would be a shame to lose because it's essentially a good one!

[s]Besides,[/s] Boredom is knocking on my door

And I sure as heck ain't opening it.

the only things i would change here would be the 'besides' (which i've crossed out anyway) because you don't need it. You've already said that there isn't anything better to do, so that writing is to ward of boredom. Also, i think you should think of something more menacing than 'knocking'. Other than that, these lines are really good and really give the poem personality.

all in all, don't be so pesimistic about this piece! It's got its own vibe to it and has bags f potential. If you do decide to soldier on with it, then PM me when you've made the changes so i can give it a read.
I've really enjoyed reading and reviewing this piece, so don't be so disheartened by it. Definately take off what you've put about not liking it - it will put readers off, which is a shame. Also, putting up a title that leaves more to the imagination will attract more people and probably make you feel even better about it... in the mean-time, you have my review to do that!
So keep fighting the writer's block and the best of luck with your later works, which i'm sure will be fab!

Thanks,
from Charlie. ^^

thanks! I will definately work on this poem, this review is really going to help me. So, I'll just PM you the second copy after i've worked on it a tad. thanks again!