Wow this was great! And I know I'm not the first to say this but, I was so absorbed that I didn't notice anything wrong with this piece, except that this is all there was to it! I want more! You should totally make a novel out of this with more description and background in it. I would so read it.
Hey, cool piece here man. It's not your usual, it's quite wierd and original, which I (and I think a lot of other people) like.
I like the mature and quite understated way in which you dealt with the whole idea of the cliche, i like that you mention it intermittently and blend it in with the whole piece gradually.
The only thing I can really say I was just a bit uncomfortable with with this piece was some of the phrasing - some of it was too contemporary to blend in well with a piece that seems to be set in the Middle Ages. For example :
"Tess refused to go out with him"
The idea of going out with someone - I'm sure most readers reading this story nowadays will know what this means but it seems to go against the tone of the rest of the piece, it sort of made me confused as to whether I was in a world of medieval knights and damsels and maids etc., or if I was in a modern world of trendy teenagers. But perhaps that was part of your whole point, and if it was then that's fair enough!
It's really original and totally sweet.
It's really cool how you concentrated on two characters that most of the time would have been minor but then you made them the main characters. it's like ,what really goes on in Cinderella's stepsisters heads or something and I think that's really cool.
Again ,I'm not one to judge people's grammar ,because my own pretty much sucks ,but as for the story : WOW! sERIOUSLY ! You're amazing and you should totally keep it up.
Stella you are an amazing writer! Probably better than me! I have oen question what exactly is this whole cliche thing that makes Alec and Tessa know that Gerry is the true love? Just curious. I am easily confused so maybe it is just me. Who knows. Overall, cute as can be story! I loved it. Great Job! If you plan to write more of this story please tell me when you do! maith adh, Celticmusicgirl
"No life is forever. We found and fought here. We loved and died here... The crops whither and the bones of hunger walk the sunken roads... The land has failed us... In dance and song we gift and mourn our children. They carry us over the ocean in dance and song. -American Wake by Riverdance
Cool story! I really enjoyed it. A few things I noticed have already been brought up, like a few of the sentences being run-ons, and the missing details of how Gerry turns out to be Cecillia's true love, but overall, it's great. I think it's cool that you start with Tess's actual first name, and then switch to using a nickname; it's something I tend to do often. I also liked that the whole cliche thing only affected the youngest, for some reason. I agree that it should be made into a novel, if you have the time. Like I said above, there are missing details, but I also thought you did a good job of explaining things while keeping it a short story. Love it!
This story is totally cute! I loved it There was one thing I thought, just for the flow, would help. When they are on their way to the cell,
"He drew them out as they drew to a stop"
Its a general rule that you don't want to use the same word within a couple sentences of each other... you might try "He drew them out as they slowed to a stop." Or whatever else you feel
This was such an interesting idea! I love how you mock the typical conventions of fairy tales, and how you reference Cinderella in passing, as well as how the youngest siblings always seem to have all the fun. Again, it's such a cool idea. Keep writing!
"I didn't lie! I was writing fiction with my mouth!" -Homer Simpson
