Ow.

Ow. - A silly take on a recent heartbreak.

Ow. Love is a twisted thing.
Something just snapped.
Was that just you?
Or was it my heart?
Here, you can have this half.
You damaged it enough.
You deserve it.

Ow. Do you like dropping me?
You've done it enough,
I should have known you'd do it again.
And again.
And again.
Until you dropped me and walked away.
That's right, just walk away.
I said I didn't need you.
I said leave me if you wanted to.




I guess I just never expected you to. Ow.








Um yeah. I thought it sucked? But then I thought it was okay in a silly kind of way. I guess it could go either way. Opinions?
~Yoyo

That was good, you say it sucks and in a way you are right (needs a bit of fleshing out and lengthening) but other than that it sounds exactly like tose songs you hear about break-ups, good one!

I don't really understand the comedy in it, if there is any, but I really could connect with you.
I don't think it needs too much else, if you're basing it on simplicity, but if you really wanted to elaborate it, so that you could explain your feelings more, that would also help it. It's good work though.

Yes, it is a rather silly poem, but that doesn't mean silliness can't be taken seriously! ^_^ Catch a few more images with Cupid's arrow and this could be a heartfeltly serious poem.

This poem didn't completely suck like you say it does. I just think it needs a lot of work. Some of it rhymes while most of it doesn't. I thought it was actually pretty funny in some areas. I understood what you were saying about the broken heart.
Overall:
-nice topic
-creative
-potential
I didn't think it was that bad...

Hey, Yoyo.

First off, I really liked this poem. Second off, I loved the 'Ow's. Haha. It made me smile. It was a really good poem. Not deep or anything, but it has a lot of meaning to it, which makes it really good in my book.

Ow. Do you like dropping me?

You've done it enough,

I should have known you'd do it again.

And again.

And again.

I didn't like the repeat of 'and again'. Mainly because it was unnecessary and kinda... well, repetitive, of course. It doesn't really add anything to the poem, but it does dumbify it.

Er...

Yeah.

Anyway, good poem. I liked it. ^_^

-Jared

hello!
I thought there were a few cliches in there that are, quite frankly, dangerous, but overall, this poem seems original. Well done. But definately watch out for the cliches.

Have a star!

from charlie. ^^

Love the title!

Okay, this is not sucky! Oh yeah, like everyone said, it could use some work, but it's a diamond in the rough.

I suggest adding some length and elaborating more. One thing I loved here was your word choice. So keep that up!