Sleep

*honestly, i wasn't sure where to put this. i really wrote it on a whim. [s]so, it's not twilight related at all. though it does sound like edward. but it's not[/s].* **change of thought, because I keep getting asked about this a lot pretend it is edward thinking this about bella as she sleeps next to him. Long live twilight & team edward!**


Sleep sleep, my dearest one(
Lay your head down and close your eyes
Dream loving dreams tonight
Do not fret, do not worry
I will lay here by your side
Watching you as you're fast asleep tonight

Your chest moves ever so slightly
You lay completely still otherwise
Your troubled face at rest for once
Even though it's in the dark of night

The only thing I hate
Is the fact you don't smile at me
Or speak my name
Though I'm right here with you

I never knew what they meant
When they said sleep is good
But now I think I understand
Because I can be so close to you
And not panic about what's going on in your head
Or if you'll push me away

You asked me to stay
But how can I sleep laying here next to you
Wishing you'd wake up
So we can hold each other
Since we are bound to be immortal lovers

Sleep sleep, my dearest one
I will lay here by your side
Waiting for you to wake
And we can gaze into each other's eyes
Holding you close to me
Is my only thought tonight
But I'll just lay here by your side

Is this about specific characters at all then? Because it really does sound like specific people "bound to be immortal lovers" and stuff.

I like it though, whether or not it is, some nice ideas. I like especially when you talk about how sleep is good because that person can be with the person she loves without having to think about what they're thinking - very sad and sweet. The one thing I don't understand:

I never knew what they meant
When they said sleep is good

Why not ? I'd see if this was like fanfic or something, because then there might be a reason, but it seems kind of random not to understand the reason for sleep.

It was an OK poem - it certainly had a direction and meaning. So you weren't rambling on about nothing; something that is surprisingly easy to do
However, the piece lacked any rhyming structure - I know poems don't have to rhyme, but if they don't rhyme then they should have a good rhythm or structure. This poem attempted being structured but had too many off beats which made the read awkward.

Sleep sleep, my dearest one(

seemed a little Cliché - to open with such a common phrase is a big turn off.

But I'll just lay here by your side

The ending was nice, it was sweet.

Always remember that what i say is only my personal opinion. I am no poet laureate lol.
All my Love
Kris
x

I thought the awkward rhythm made it cuter and sweeter. It was very lullaby-esque and I have to say, it did remind me of Twilight. But if you hadn't mentioned it I probably wouldn't of made the connection. ha ha. But I liked the 'Immortal lovers' part was just supposed to be like relating to first love and how you think you'll be with them forever... but that's my own interpretation.

I loved this, actually.

~Dommy