Exquisite

9 posts
User avatar
Gender None specified
Points 890
Reviews 16
Essa looked at her lover, Dusk,
And spoke in hushed whispers about ferris wheels,
And sea cliffs -- haunted places she dared not to go, just then,
For fear that she would be followed by the lingering whisper of an echo
Of a ghost saying "turn back", a blue eyed shadow
Whispering the future into her eyelids
As they split open in violent storms.

But Dusk did not speak,
Just closed his arm around her tighter,
For there was really nothing to say.

And Essa swung gently back and forth,
Salt stinging her cheeks,
Still confusing cigarette smoke
For seraphims.
You're just an empty cage girl if you kill the bird.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 40
I like it...

You clarified the little moments..

Whispering the future into her eyelids
As they split open in violent storms.

This the part I like the most, well thought...

And yess it's beautiful :)
~xS;o:L;d:I;e:Rx~




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 321
Beautiful. I love the atmosphere. Well done.
purple sneakers




User avatar
Gender None specified
Points 890
Reviews 16
Thanks!
You're just an empty cage girl if you kill the bird.




User avatar
Gender Male
Points 890
Reviews 205
I can't think of anything to change, it's absolutely funderful.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 17580
Reviews 798
Mm... me likey.

Great job.
Got YWS?

"Most of us have far more courage than we ever dreamed we possessed."
- Dale Carnegie




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 8846
Reviews 531
absolutely loved it! really loved the last two lines.

cheers
PM
Fraser: Stop stealing the blanket.
[Diefenbaker whines]
Fraser: You're an Arctic Wolf, for God's sake.
(Due South)

Hatter: Do I need a reason to help a pretty girl in a very wet dress? (Alice)

Got YWS?




Random avatar
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 1160
very pretty.. what everybody else said only i am more suky-uppy so like i mean it more than them! :P




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 51
I don't like most poems I read. I liked this one. Since this is supposed to be critique though, I'll come up with something. I think the name Dusk sounds like a character in a comic book. But then, I only think that because I know someone who plays the video game City of Heroes and that is his superhero's name. Maybe it's just bad association. ::shrugs:: :wink:
I reject your reality and substitute my own



How can I be king of the world? Because I am king of rubbish. And rubbish is what the world is made of.
— Kate DiCamillo, The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane