Too late

I fell so hard for you
I've tried so hard to make you like me

To make you laugh
To make you want me

I've tried buying expensive clothes
To show of my curves

I've tried being really thin
So maybe then you'd watch me

I've tried being shy
I've tried being crazy

I've tried being hard to get
Yet you still won't call me baby

But I've had enough
This road is too rough

You have to know
That it's too late

I'm throwing the towel in
As I wipe the the tears off my chin

If you actually liked me
You took much too long

Because waiting for you now
It just feels so wrong

And if you never liked me at all
I'm sorry I wasted my time on you

You must understand I will always love you
I'll always stand by your side

But you won't see me around
I won't be coming down to see you

It's too late

hey great poem here are my thoughts

To show of my curves

this should be off in stead of well...of.

I've tried being really thin
So maybe then you'd watch me

watch you do what? you should explain.

You must understand I will always love you

this verse is too long, try shortening it.

I won't be coming down to see you

coming down were?

in your poem you do more telling then showing. you need to try and show us what is going on instead of telling us. i know it's hard (i struggled at first) but the more you practice the easier it gets. i hope this helps pm me if you have any questions
happy writing

I fell so hard for you
I've tried so hard to make you like me


To make you laugh
To make you want me

Very cliche opening lines.

I've tried buying expensive clothes
To show off my curves

But I've had enough
This road is too rough

Suddenly you have a rhyme here? It's odd to create a sudden rhyme in the middle of a poem. Maybe there's a synonym you could replace one with?

I'm throwing the towel in
As I wipe the the tears off my chin

Good imagery, but there's the sudden rhyme again.

You must understand I will always love you
I'll always stand by your side

But you won't see me around
I won't be coming down to see you

This seems way too contradictory to make sense.


Overall, this needs work. Take Sportgurl's advice with more showing and less telling. Incorporate more imagery. You have plenty of chances to do so in here. Especially with the clothes. You could also describe being shy and being crazy, etc. Good luck and keep writing!

~Yoyo

hmmmmmm... i didn't really like this, it sounds like the drama at my school. honestly it sounds like a middle schooler talking about her crush. sorta pathetic. if you've gone through this im sorry and hey, if writing makes you feel better about it then feel free. but i dont think this poem is well written at all.

to be completely honest, this should have been put somewhere other than dramatic poetry. just make sure you are aware of what goes were next time ok?