Forever rewrite chapter 3

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Alice
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Fri Jul 25, 2008 12:07 am
Alice says... · Fri Jul 25, 2008 12:07 am
Sorry this story has been deleted.
Last edited by Alice on Mon Aug 04, 2008 8:54 pm, edited 1 time in total.
I just lost the game.




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alwaysawriter
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Fri Jul 25, 2008 12:22 am
alwaysawriter says... · Fri Jul 25, 2008 12:22 am
her, she’s
Semi-colon instead of a comma.

she’s got
Capitalize the first letter of the first word.

showing it.
Add quotation marks after it.

door, she
Semi-colon.

But there was no
Don't start a sentence with an ellipse.

red
Read.

Pride and Prejudice, it had an unforgettable
"Pride and Prejudice had a unforgettable..."

book, but
No comma.

clever bastard.
Put these in italics.

constantly, hanging
Replace the comma with Of.

Their senior year was ending soon,
Period, not a comma.

Dreaming of silly things that she assumed every book junkie dreamed of: neglected library books attacking her.
I liked this ending.

Anyway, good job. :)
Meshugenah says to (18:12:36):
Kat's my new favorite. other than Sachi.

WWJD: What Would Jabber Do?




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Teague
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Mon Aug 04, 2008 9:47 pm
Teague says... · Mon Aug 04, 2008 9:47 pm
**LOCKED** by request.

-:pirate3:
"2-4-6-8! I like to delegate!" -Meshugenah
"Teague: Stomping on your dreams since 1992." -Sachiko
"So I'm looking at FLT and am reminded of a sandwich." -Jabber

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I always like to look on the optimistic side of life, but I am realistic enough to know that life is a complex matter.
— Walt Disney