What makes a man evil?

Are all evils inherent,
as something waiting innate?
Or be wickedness a skill,
As something learnt by free will?

Is the Spider who waits, patient, serene,
compelled by its' nature to drain Flies clean?
Or does she attend to her silken screen,
taking great pleasure in hearing them scream?

Be the tender babe of a villain born malign,
set in its' very blood a life of pursuing crime?
That this thinking is true, by rule a Saint can sin,
hence since his conception lay a devil within.

Not even Angels who speak in trill,
deny that all of god's creatures,
have the propensity to kill for thrill.

Hey kris. Comments in bold!

kris wrote:Are all evils inherent,
as something waiting innate?
Or be wickedness a skill,
As something learnt by free will?
I like the first question, but not he second one. This intro has two separate "voices"; In the first question, I hear a truly curious person, but in the second question, I hear a Pirate. I don't know if that makes any sense... :wink:

Is the Spider who waits, patient, serene,
compelled by its' nature to drain Flies clean?
Or does she attend to her silken screen,
taking great pleasure in hearing them scream?
Love Love LOVE this stanza! The Spider was a smart metaphor, my friend. Those last two lines were flawless.

kris wrote:Not even Angels who speak in trill,
deny that all of god's creatures,
have the propensity to kill for thrill.
Nice ending. It brings a nice sense of closure. I also like how you mentioned the Angels.

So, I like this. But I feel you need to elaborate more. Especially on the Spider: Is there possibly a place where it likes to dwell? What is it about the screams that could bring pleasure to the Spider?

So yes, I like it alot. Will I be seeing more of you?

Are all evils inherent,

as something waiting innate?

Or be wickedness a skill,

As something learnt by free will?

Comment: Yeah, I like this start off. Very nice. Personally, the commas are not really needed, but if you want them there in order to ease the reader, very well. To me, it sounds a bit choppy and the meaning is a bit distorted with them around. I'd leave 'em out.


Is the Spider who waits, patient, serene,

compelled by its' nature to drain Flies clean?

Or does she attend to her silken screen,

taking great pleasure in hearing them scream?

Comment: Absolutely wonderful. I really likes this bit a lot and it's very original. So, the poem is just fantastic so far.


Be the tender babe of a villain born malign,

set in its' very blood a life of pursuing crime?

That this thinking is true, by rule a Saint can sin,

hence since his conception lay a devil within.

Comment: The first two lines don't make a question and you can't really call it a questioning statement, and it kind of throws the format of the poem off. The rhythm is also kind of off there too. I liked the lines by themselves, but you need to somehow recapture the rhythm of the past two stanzas. You could put "so" in front of "set" to kind of prove that you are questioning the notion, but then the rhythm is weird and you need to change the first line. Just get rid of the question mark, it's making my head hurt form trying to figure it out.


Not even Angels who speak in trill,

deny that all of god's creatures,

have the propensity to kill for thrill.

Comment: I would take out "for thrill" I feel like you should add another line, clarifying that the type of "kill" you mean: the type "for thrill." Yeah, I was really just cruising on your nice smooth street with only slight bumps, and then I feel like a ran into a curb because you cut it too short. Add one more line and keep it structurally unified and then I'll be happy.

Thanks for the good read.