I Kissed a Girl

Just a question: Is it to do with that song 'i kissed a girl and i liked it' by Kate Perry? I'm just curious because the last line - i don't know just have to ask.

Nothing to edit really. I love the way you've described her hair over the shoulder and down the arm. The way you've made it so the gender of the person 'speaking' if you must, is unknown - that's so mysterious and oohhh i hate you because i want to know if it's a guy... probably is... but you never know with that last line. Setting is pretty well brushed up on, and i really hope you take this further - all sorts could happen, so many ways this could go. The tenderness of her kiss, the innocence of it all, it's got potential to be such a magical story, one of those yummy-feeling-inside-awwwwww stories.

Good luck with it. There are about a trillion things you could assume by this one piece. It's a great start, could, if you wanted, could make a powerful introduction. Or prologue? That could be an idea.
Now i should just leave you be and stop assuming. haha.

Hahaha

For those of you that are wondering, I am planning on writing more of this piece, and the narrator IS a girl.

Thank you for taking a look everyone.

When I read the title of this, I immediately thought of the song "I Kissed a Girl" by Katy Perry. It was number one on iTunes for a while.

Anyway, this was a good beginning if you are planning to write more. Character descriptions, setting and all that good stuff can come later.
Also, when the story is being told in first person, the reader can not know, notice, etc. anymore than the narrator. So it's fine because she was so wrapped up in what she was doing that she probably wouldn't have taken the time to look around and notice details about her surroundings.

Great job! Hope to read more soon!


-GC10

I liked it but, you know, there was something almost dream-like about it. It was as though it wasn't happening - there was nothing materialistic; it was even whimsical.
I suppose it was touching but I don't know why... how could I feel much for your characters when I barely understood them? Do they come from different backgrounds, like Romeo and Juliet, or are they just first-time lesbians? Love to know more, which will hopefully be in your next installment. I take it that this was a prologue, then, and that the following will be set 'before'?

Lauren

this remind of Katy Perry's 'I kissed a girl.'

I loved it and i think you should continue it, because you have a great story line.

welll, i just hope you continue it. good luck with it.

OverEasy wrote:I prayed that nightmares hadn’t visited her [s]that night[/s].

I agree with the other reviewer about this one.

brushed her cheek; her eyes flickered open.

Just my opinion, but I believe a semicolon should replace the comma.

escaped her lips - I think it was my name.

I did something I was never supposed to do… I kissed a girl. And I liked it.

I kind of knew you were talking about some girl-on-girl action, but at the end there was when reality smacked me upside the head, lol. It was very well-written and I found next to no-spelling and grammatical errors. Good job!