I Have A Serious Problem Thinking Of Titles

I wasn't sure if this should be in lyric poetry but anyway I just wrote this in like twenty minutes(oh how I bet you can tell).

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Changing the world one argument at a time
Step by step
To try and distance and relax yourself
Until it's come full circle
And everything's cancelled itself out
It's all just been a waste of energy
'Cause you're just back to the original desire

Hey, Save Ferris!

I really like how "you" this poem is--most people stress themselves out trying to sound impressive, but you kept it sounding like yourself. It sounded a lot more comfortable and was a lot better for it. ^_^

Quick thing: try to avoid starting every new line with a capital letter. People usually regard this as the beginning of a new sentence, and it really messes up your flow. Instead, think of it as sentences--keep things lowercase unless you're starting a new thought.

I know this is probably the most frustrating critique in the world, but I really didn't understand what you were trying to say with this poem. Arguments never solve anything unless someone wins them and acts on that victory, which usually doesn't happen--it's just a bunch of constant squabbling. I like the idea of starting out miserable, then coming full circle and ending up where you started, since that's a pretty universal experience. It'd be interesting if you went a bit farther with that idea--how could you symbolize that with your words?

I have a problem with this, too--I start writing, but then my brain does all kinds of goofy things and I end up saying something completely different than I originally meant. It helps a lot to--as soon as you're done writing--stop and think about what you just wrote. What's the big idea? What were you trying to say? Then go back and tailor it so that it leads more clearly to that message, instead of meandering all over the place. Tightening things up helps get your point across a lot better.

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Thanks for the read, Ferris. ^_^ Feel free to PM me if you have any questions or want me to take a look at something else.

I liked this poem because it sounds really natural and free.

But, like the person above me, I had a hard time interpreting this poem. It kinda seems like you were just throwing stuff together--pieces of puzzles that don't come from the same box (for lack of a better comparison there). By the first line, I thought you meant people were trying to solve things by arguments and then in the third line it was all 'trying to relax yourself'. So you had someone trying to argue and someone trying to relax. I think it's a pretty well accepted generalization that arguments aren't relaxing. After that, I was pretty much lost with the meaning.

However, that is my interpretation. To someone else, this could make complete sense. Of course, that is the way most poetry goes, right?

--Cassie