I am not my country! - revised

Blue skies and green beneath,

but what belies is beyond belief.


I have no borders or check points.

No flags or regalia.

No monuments or visas.

Nor does language define me.


What boundaries on earth define,

the goodly folk from those malign?

Is it in the name of a territory,

where we find a person's identity?


I have no customs or rituals.

No militia or army.

No leader or sovereign.

Nor does history control me.


If a man is his country,

his home and his hearth.

Who then existed before.

Hammurabi's remarks?

Bravo!
This was great.

the only problem that i really had with it was the erratic rhyming, and the rhythm was a little off.

other than that, it was great.

This is probably my favorite line out of the whole thing:

Nor does history control me.

On top of the fact that the line itself rhymes, it's so meaningful with all the racial and cultural issues we have nowadays.

great job.

Alright, I thought this was a really interesting concept, and I really enjoyed this poem.


I think the very first two lines were unnecessary.... when reading it, I sort of skipped them, then only read them properly at the end. I think cutting them, or changing them would be better. Then don't flow into the second stanza.

The third stanza could have been a bit stronger. I like how the second and fourth followed the same sort of pattern, with the third stanza breaking them up. I just think you could rework the rhythm etc.


I liked the last stanza too, was a good finish. I wanted you to answer this, and I wanted more, which is always great.

The last line though...I didn't understand it at all though?


I really enjoyed this poem though, as I've said I thought it was a great idea.

Well done!