Khalilzad in 1995 (Chapter 3)

Deleted. Feel free to PM me if you're a former reader wondering why/where it is now. If the mods would rather delete this entirely, feel free. The reviews are sort of nice to look back on now and then as pick me ups though.

Hey, Pattycakes! Sorry it took me so long to respond.

Oh, goodness. XD The exercises were hysterical--I think forensics is the only place on earth where talking to walls is a socially acceptable activity. You had a few great lines that made me crack up, especially:

The NFL has the biggest field, but the fastest, most technical debate happens at the TOC. And no one cares about the NCFL. Not even the Pope.

It's so true. XD Catnats= practice for the real thing. I'm really impressed with how much technical stuff you managed to work into this chapter without making the story lag behind--the explanation seemed necessary. Very sneaky. *high fives*

CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE

At the beginning of this section, you slip into second person. Second person is usually pretty awkward, so if you can, I'd change it back to "I...", and so forth. First person. If you feel like you're trying to work some jokes in with generalizing the experience (which I hope you're doing), second person can be softened by using future tense, as you did in the first three or four paragraphs. Then you switched into:

Yeah, they call the groups of kids and teachers you work with labs. As if we could sound more like mad scientists concocting brews to turn mice into glow in the dark mice, or people building WMD's. Your lab consists of two to three 'lab leaders' who instruct you and guide you in your work. These leaders are almost always high profile high school and college debaters, either current or past. Under them is a group of around twenty kids who will be your 'labbies' or partners. You grow close to these kids by the end of your stay. Yes, even the douche bags. In your lab you cook up files of debate evidence and experiment with debate strategy.

Which feels a little debate "choose your own adventure!" to me. If you can, twist it so that you don't have to use the word "you"-- 'They call them labs, even though they're not mad scientists", and so forth. That way, the tense change isn't so awkward. Shifting POV is sketchy enough, but it breaks concentration/focus to change tense as well.

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This was another great chapter--if you post the next one and a few days have gone by without me critiquing, feel free to poke me via PM. Additionally, you know where to find me if you have any questions. ^_^