The Sky and The Earth and me

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You know, I think I've heard something like this before. I dunno, but I think I memorized it from

somewhere and then wrote it randomly. Tell me if you've heard it before.

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If I am the sky,

and the sky is in me,

and

If I am the earth,

and the earth is in me,

Wherever will I be?
With this magical drrrink I shall RULE THE WORLD! Mwhahahaha!




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I'm not entirely sure how to critique this.

I can enjoy a short poem. Heck, Emily Dickinson fit in a ton of meaning in her poem "Fame is a Bee" with only four short lines, but I'm not entirely sure I like this.

If you really want to have success with a really short poem, in my opinion, you need to have a powerful, slightly mysterious message. While I did have to think about this for a minute or two, considering this a contemplative poem, I think you hit it on that mark. There's something about this that just makes me feel... empty inside. It lacks an impact, and unfortunately, I'm at a complete loss as to how you could fix it.

I'm sorry, this review is probably little to no help, but that's all I have to say.
"If you love something, give it away"
~ Conor Oberst




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It sounds similar to something...I just can't think of WHAT.

But I have to agree with the poster above me; the meaning doesn't necessarily be obvious, but I think small poems sometimes lack that real OOMPH that bigger ones carry often through buildups and whatnot...

It's almost too simple, to be honest. It's a great piece, just a bit too simplistic for its own good. See if you can expand a bit and it should be better.
I'm advertising here: Rosetta...A Determinism of Morality...out May 25th...2010 album of the year, without question.



Remember when dad's shoulders were the highest place on earth and your mom was your hero? Race issues were about who ran the fastest, war was only a car game. The most pain you felt was when you skinned your knees, and good byes only meant tomorrow? And we couldn't wait to grow up.
— Unknown