Yeah I was glad I could help you turn it into a poem. Yeah, sometimes I feel like this with ... I don't know which name to address him by now. I liked this. I hope things will get better with you and him and he better see it. If not, as I said, I will grab his head and smash it into the moniter whilst screaming "READ IT NOW LUCIER READ IT NOW!!!"
I didn't think I was snapping... And I feel so bad... But yet, It's a poem, and I don't want this to rot in the Randomness Forum, so I'll just rate this through the teary eyes...
I didn't think this poem... Flowed... very well... It switched views in the middle which was kinda confusing... *sniff* It might have helped a little to kinda split this better, to make the EMOTION feel more... alive. Poetry like this needs to come from the soul, not just from the brain... I think I should just stop here...
I think I'm going to have to go along with Teodore on this one. The feelings are there, but not in a way that will make the reader feel anything. This goes for all your poems that I've read.
Please, sit down before you fall down.
Belloq, "Raiders of the Lost Ark"
Like I said in another poem of yours.. This is more of a rant to a friend than anything else. I won't comment on what I think about relationships for people as young as you.. But I really didn't like this. You need to try to mature your writing a little more. Poetry shouldn't tell as much as it should show. Poetry is all about the words and the flow and the rhythm, not about the message itself (although there should always be a message in it).
Lots of times you have to pretend to join a parade in which you're not really interested in order to get where you're going. — Christopher Darlington Morley
