That was really good. I enjoyed it a lot. I like the story a lot, and you give good insight into Julia's mind. There are a few grammer errors but over all this is the start of something really good.
I can't wait to find out what happens!
It's not the face, but the expressions on it. It's not the voice, but what you say. It's not how you look in the body, but the things you do with it. You are beautiful.-------Ian O'Shea
WOW! I don’t think I have read something that long in a very long time. I mean, how many pages was that??
But that’s beside the point. Your story was very captivating. Your use of words was absolutely stunning. I mean, everything flowed and moved perfectly and nothing was ever out of place.
As you probably already can tell, I found nothing individual to correct, but I did notice a few things:
1) PACE. Yes, I know I already told you that everything flowed, but I kind of felt as though how quickly Luke fell in love with Julia…I don’t know…One day?? It just seemed kind of unrealistic to me. I’m sorry, but that’s just my opinion.
2) ROMEO AND JULIET. Ring a bell? This TOTALLY reminded me off that story, but with a modern twist. And I liked it!
3) ENDING. In the beginning, everything was evenly paced (I know, I am repeating myself about the whole pacing thing), but when you got to where they were spilling the beans to each other, it was like time flew by. And I kind of bothered me. Expand (which I don’t know if you can because this is already SUPER long. However, I didn’t mind that fact. I actually liked how long it was! ) and describe more of their feelings at this point.
Other wise, everything was good.
On to Part Two!
"Woe to the man whose heart has not learned while young to hope, to love—and to put his trust in life." ~ Joseph Conrad
"Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life." ~ Red Auerbach
