When I Was Young

When I was young I trapped an ant in a circle of hot glue.
He twitched and jerked in pain. You do not deserve this.

When I was young I fried a beetle with a magnifying glass.
He screamed and screeched in pain. You do not deserve this.

When I was young I cut a worm and watched him burn in the sun.
He wept and wriggled in pain. You do not deserve this.

When I was young I ripped one wing off a fly to make him spin.
He begged for mercy and cried in pain. You do not deserve this.

When I was young I crushed a snail's shell to let him out.
He shrieked and slouched in pain. You do not deserve this.

When I was young I was a malevolent dictator.

You know my opinions on this gaz but hey! i'll tell you again anyway.

FOR THE WHOLE WORLD TO SEE! *thunder cracks ominously in the distance*

I think your used of imagery is very visceral and evocative.
I love the juxtaposition of ideas, placing what would be seen as great evil in the context of a child; makes it somehow acceptable. Very clever.

I am not much of a fan, of your use of poetic devices. They seem somewhat stilted and rigid...but this could be somehow reminiscent of the "dictator" theme - regimented and controlled...hmmm...i wonder.

Anyway gaz! i do love your work rather a bit.,
KEEP IT UP!!!!

kris
x

Hmm, really sad for the bugs :[ but great imagination.

Really nice imagery. Perhaps it's just me, but I felt like the poem was missing a line. It seemed to cut off very abruptly. Still, very well written, and an excellent concept to write about. Kudos, keep up the hard work!

I really liked this poem. A little violent with the cutting and torturing of the bugs... but there's more horrible things in life. I liked the different kind of words you used. [I'm working on mine] Such as....malevolent dictator, wriggled, and screeched. Those were my favorite.

Keep Writing!

Hmm.. just a quick tidbit, I cant see anything wrong with it so I will lace my response with lovely praise for the author.I agree i did feel bad for the bugs (not the fly I hate flies.) So you accomplished the goal of your poem, good work. Nice use of phrasing to tempt our imaginations.

10/10-amazing imagery,good rhyming.... I liked it =)

~COMATOSE.....I dont wanna live!I dont wanna dream, cuz my dreams no company!~

I really liked this poem. It was well written and flowed well. i really admire the way you used different ways for saying screamed, i would like to point out that you used (a small) alliteration on some of the words you used to stress that he was in pain like

screamed and screeched

or

wept and wriggled

i thought that maybe you could do that for all of them (if you could find the words) just to make it that little bit better, otherwise i have no complaints. It was very well written well done.

Believe everything you just said is what you actually did. I think most of us reading this can check a few of those things off our list of things we have done.

I wouldn't say you're a malevolent dictator. I would say something more like you're a ignorant child. When we're young it's a sort of blindness that pardons us of all we have done because as they say "we just don't know any better" , but as I will believe, I'm sure today you are not walking the streets with a hot glue gun and a magnify glass ready to kill any insect in your way.

scary thing though is at an older age we still do cruel things like that thinking nothing of it. Makes you think about what else could be out there in the universe that could just ionize our planet and not give a second thought. Or maybe they would just kill us slowly boiling our oceans.

Ok. I am wondering Why did you write you do not deserve this after every single sentence?

How did you come up with the idea to use bugs as your topic and why?

Was this all true as your poem was written?
it
But it really didn't flow as most poems do. And it couldv'e been more well written than it was , but other than that i think that you wrote it pretty well if it were your first poem!

First off , I LOVE UR AVATAR, lol.

For the poem, it was really funny I found, because these are all the same things my brother did and it brought me back further into my childhood and my torturous brother, lol.

Very good, I really like it because it is a poem a lot can relate to and laugh at, very unique, good rhyming. Thanks for the memories! lol.

i kind of like the echoes at the end of each stanza of the piece, because it shows the child's actual knowledge of what they are doing. and also it makes the child seem more adult-like in mental thought processes. and like the earlier review stated it does sort of make it more acceptable. with this piece i would like to see a bit more of the actions of the child because it sort of leaves a bit more to be desired. however overall it is a good piece.

Yes, this poem is very disturbing, but mostly because it's real, whether it's how children can be cruel or how this cruelty grows up along with children. I was moved by the feeling of sorrow and wish for change. It inspired a subtle yet evocative "what if?" in me.

gazdemon wrote:When I was young I was a malevolent dictator.

This could be more potent. It's good, but it doesn't do the rest of the poem justice. "Malevolent dictator" just doesn't seem right. It's too passive for the rest of the poem. Maybe use a more potent name (i.e."When I was young I was a murder") Or you could completely overhaul the last half of the line. Those are just ideas, and it's up to you. You are the one who knows what your poem needs to say.

Fantastic poem!

it's a great poem, feeling for the bugs though and sounds like you have a good imagination pm me when you post anything new

You bug killer...







But I did like it. It was cute.





All the while I read this poem, I thought the child was killing insects because he enjoyed it.





But then again, he could have been harming them because they would not fight back.





I personally think he was being creative while speaking out against a bully he was frequently abused by.




After all, the cruel have suffered cruelties.





Anyway, that was a adorable little poem, and I hope you keep coming up with more stuff.





Bye and best wishes.