Lamentations of an unwilling heart.

I found you in fondest fields,
Now long since tired of dancing.

In the midst of your perfection,
I dream I am a bird.
Singing your exhaled name.
But stand in mute.

In the light of your love,
I dream of drinking deep,
From your heart, revelling.
But I go parched.

In the shadows of your tears,
I dream I might be like Christ.
Taking on your suffering.
But I am like stone.

Oh supreme lover!
Let me be better than I am.

I really liked this, particuarly the rythm.

I'm sorry I have no criticism! I really enjoyed it!

Very cool. Content-wise, I can't say much, except to wonder who the speaker is appealing to in the last stanza.--->

Oh supreme lover!
Let me be better than I am.

Is it the object of his\her love or is the aforementioned Christ?

The first stanza throws me for a loop. Why is it shorter than the others? I think, as the intro, that it should be the same as the prevailing structure. One might also ask that of the last stanza,but that one seems fine to me.

But stand in mute.

This also bothers me. Why does this line have no subject while the other fourth lines read "But I...."? I would add in a "But I..."

I think if you edit those small inconsistencies that then you will have a truly solid poem.

Exceptional.

good word usage, I would like more imagery though. out of greed. The poem had a relaxing feel to it. something I would like to find in a book of poetry while sitting lakeside with the sun going down.

I thought this was a generally good poem, better than average, so I don't have *that* much crit, yet I did see somethings that kind of bothered me:

In the midst of your perfection,
I dream I am a bird.
Singing your exhaled name.
But stand in mute.

-I think the last line sounds a little odd. Maybe "But I stand mutely"? I don't know, but it just doesn't seem correct to me.

Oh supreme lover!
Let me be better than I am.

-This is a great ending, by the way. It's my favorite in the whole poem.