Unbroken

I'd like some feedback . . . I'm submitting this someplace if you think it's good enough.


Unbroken

Closed bluebells,
holding morning’s promise.
Dawn like the sea and shore
torn apart.
Breathing relief, a breath held so long,
like the mists of a hidden cascade
whispering through the waking air.
Barely brushing the fingertips of the sweeping, swooshing grass
dotted with lilac.
Virginity Unswayed.

Closed bluebells

holding morning’s promise.

Dawn like the sea and shore

Torn apart.

Breathing relief, a breath held so long

Like the mists of a hidden cascade

Whispering through the waking air,

Barely brushing the fingertips of the sweeping, swooshing grass

Dotted with lilac.

Virginity Unswayed.







I really, really like this.
I corrected some capitalization and punctuation errors above.


I like the words you used; all are very powerful, yet simple.
Bravo!

I loved this poem. Beautiful words, beautiful. It IS a simple poem like Nolan said, but it is still a great poem.
Favorite part:

Closed bluebells,

holding morning’s promise.

this opening is wonderful, good poem. Rock on!
-Buggs

Wonderful poem!! Great descriptions and so much beauty in it yet it's so simple. No need to use long tricky words to convey feelings. It was very well done!!

*Star for you*!!