My first screenplay

Opening credits end on a sign for Terminal A-10. Brown curly hair is visible under the sign, but no head. Zoom out to a typical airport terminal. CHAZ is fully visible. He is missing his right leg. A design that it looks like it's been drawn on his leg with a sharpie is on his whole leg. He notices ALEX sitting in a seat near him, reading a book about Karl Marx. CHAZ keeps glancing at her. She is wearing muti-colored neon high tops. CHAZ boards the plane and sits in a window seat. A tiny old lady sits next to him a few moments later. After a while, ALEX boards the plane and sits in the aisle seat next to the old woman. CHAZ doesn't notice until takeoff and when he does, he can't stop looking at her CHAZ leans over the little old lady to talk to ALEX:

CHAZ: I like your shoes.

He leans back in his seat very proud of himself

ALEX: I like your leg. (notices that CHAZ looking slightly shocked) I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you. I really do like your leg. I knew a girl who was missing an arm and would do anything to hide the fact that she didn't have an arm. I kinda respect that you, I don't know, flaunt it.

CHAZ: No, no, it's good, people usually just aren't that honest.

ALEX: (laughs) yeah, no, i don't have that problem (laughs)

The old lady looks really annoyed

ALEX: How long have you had it?

CHAZ: Since I was really little. I was born with a defect called Amelia. Pretty much i had like a shrunken leg. There was nothing they could do.

ALEX has a shocked look on her face

CHAZ: What?

ALEX: No toddler should be expected to spell prosthesis. (both laugh)

OLD LADY: (really annoyed) Does one of you want to switch seats?

CHAZ: That would be great. Thanks a lot.

Change seats (no scene sound for them talking in the plane) A while later:

FLIGHT ATTENDANT: ...making our final descent.

ALEX: We've gotta hang out sometime. Here.

Exchange phones, plane lands. Panning shot of them walking to the baggage claim.

ALEX: I like your shoes (mockingly) Haha!

CHAZ: Oh, shut up. (beat) Crap, there's my parents

Panning shot to CHAZ's parents, looking the other way

ALEX: You came from those people?

CHAZ: Heh. Yeah.

ALEX: Whatever. Look, I don't want to meet your parents as badly as you think just yet. Call me, I want you to meet my family and friends. You're cooler than you think. Even with parents like that. Just kidding, man.

CHAZ smiles. They hug goodbye. CHAZ goes to the baggage claim while ALEX walks off with only carry-on bags. No sound for the scene that CHAZ meets his parents ALEX idly flips open his phone a few times without looking, the background of his phone is a picture of ALEX's shoes, and the banner is a winking face. He smiles and leaves it, closing his phone.








thanks for reading it. Definately tell me what you like or didn't like. I want to know if the screenplay is really worth me writing. But if i would write more, I definately wouldn't make them hook up, so tell me what you think. Thanks again.

I have edited your post: please don't use the title to beg for reviews.

Okay I decided that I'd give you a critique anyway because I've got a bit of time on my hands and I'm rather fond of script writing. In general, this was okay but before advising you on whether to continue it, I'd need to know the plot. You're saying you wouldn't have them hook up so what would happen? And what purpose would this scene fulfil? Is it only to introduce one of the characters, to tell us a bit about them?

Format:

This would look more like a script and be easier to read if you put your stage directions in italics such as Alex has a shocked look on her face.

Line-by-line:

A design that it looks like it's been drawn on his leg with a sharpie is on his whole leg. [I think you need to actually say what this design is. If it's important enough to mention that something has been drawn on his leg, it's probably useful to tell your reader/ director what it is.]

CHAZ doesn't notice until take-off and when he does, he can't stop looking at her[You need a full stop here.] CHAZ leans over the little old lady to talk to ALEX:

ALEX: I like your leg. (notices that CHAZ is looking slightly shocked) I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you.

ALEX: (laughs) yeah, [You should start 'yeah' with a capital because it's the beginning of speech and stage directions should not interfere with the bulk of your text. Don't change your grammar just because you start or end with stage directions.] no, i [Needs to be 'I'.] don't have that problem [You need a full stop here.] (laughs)

The old lady looks really annoyed [This needs to be ended with a fullstop and also, it sounds too informal for a stage direction. Perhaps 'The old lady becomes increasingly irritated.' would be better?]

ALEX has a shocked look on her face [Again, you need to end with a full stop and it sounds informal. Maybe 'Alex appears to be shocked.' or 'Alex looks shocked.' would fit?]

Change seats (no scene sound for them talking in the plane) A while later: [The format of this stage direction is strange and out of place with your others. Try to stay consistent and make it clear who is changing seats to where. Also, there is a scene change here because of the passage of time so end this scene and start another. Make this a professional appearing script. I'd suggest: 'The little old lady unfastens her seatbelt and moves to the aisle so that Chaz is able to squeeze past her. They then both sit in each other's seats. There is no scene sound while they are talking. End scene.

Scene II:

The scene opens the same as the previous scene ended: all characters are still present and sat in the same seats but there has been a passage of time.'

I actually think that the direction mentioning the lack of sound should be at the start of the scene rather than the end.]

Exchange phones, plane lands. Panning shot of them walking to the baggage claim. [I think you mean that they exchange phone numbers rather than phones?]

CHAZ: Oh, shut up. (beat) Crap, there's my parents [You need a full stop here.]

Panning shot to CHAZ's parents, looking the other way [Full stop here too.]

No sound for the scene that CHAZ meets his parents [Full stop here.] ALEX idly flips open his phone a few times without looking, the background of his phone is a picture of ALEX's shoes, and the banner is a winking face.

Characterization:

The character of Alex is good. She comes across as friendly, confident and easy going. The character of the old lady is very minimal. Maybe lengthen the scene and have her coughing pointedly or leaning forward or drumming her fingers on the pull down table. The character of Chaz currently is a little bland. He seems neither overly rude or polite though his confidence is expressed well.

Overall impressions:

I think you've made a good start but try to remember to keep it in script format and don't forget to make the plot interesting, particularly in your early scenes: you need to be able to capture and keep the reader's attention.