note* burqa is an arabic dress for women with long sleeves and that reaches the ancles.
3. Things Without Value
The four o’clock alarm rang. Cooks scrambled to prepare breakfast for the base consisting of oatmeal and milk. She would’ve awoken anyways without it to make her prayer. Sabihah’s room was dark and tiny, originally used for night shift. Her only belongings lay on the floor by her mattress: borrowed English books and a dictionary to make up for school, also lent notebook to relieve of her feelings and to somehow spend time, and two burqas with shawls. She did not have a chance to grab anything before the explosion. When she was about to come out to get her breakfast, she stopped when she suddenly heard a loud conversation between Brian’s steady voice, and an irritated loud one.
“Good morning Lieutenant Steady.”
“Good morning General Carnell, I want to ask you for permission to check that place where the most recent bombing happened.”
“Oh yeah? Well hasn’t it been a while since it happened? It should’ve been checked right then.”
“Yes, our soldiers already cleared it up, but I plan to visit it with one of the victims as a request.”
“Really? I thought all of them were relocated already.”
“No sir, one of them still remains at the base. And we couldn’t find any of her relatives.”
“Did you ask her about them?”
“Yes sir, but she cannot provide any information about them.”
“And why is that?”
“No one knows for sure. She might not remember, yet doctors didn’t say she had any brain damage. Also I suspect she’s too shocked to believe what happened and won’t tell us until she knows for sure that her parents died.”
“Alright, do what’s best, but she has to leave within a week at most.”
“Yes sir. Then I will depart tomorrow on a helicopter just in case.”
“Lieutenant Brian your permission is granted. I honor your care for safety and good relation with civilians.” General put on his courteous mask again to hide his discontent.
Sabihah calmed down as she noticed the softening in general’s tone. They probably talked about her and she predicted that she and Brian are thankfully not in trouble. She almost jumped when heard somebody knocking on her door. A woman’s voice said in Arabic:
“It’s Anna. Do you remember? I was your translator yesterday.” Sabihah opened the door and greeted a short woman in a white shirt and camouflage pants with round facial features and a skinny ponytail of brunette hair.
“Good morning. How do you do?” Sabihah greeted.
“Oh I am doing fine. I see you’re already dressed up. Did you eat breakfast?”
“No, but I was going to come out. Now I think it’s too late.”
“Then you must come with me. There’s a nice place with a table and without those soldiers.”
“No, I don’t think I should…Well, will it be convenient for you?”
“Yes, even more convenient then if I am alone. Come on, don’t be afraid.”
They passed by laughing soldiers who almost finished their breakfast and entered a room with a table for meetings. It was empty except for a map of Middle East on the wall.
“You have beautiful clothes. They must’ve been expensive.” Anna observed golden embroidery on the edges of her shawl and sleeves.
“Yes, my family was rich.” She answered dryly.
“Now you can open your shawl to me, can’t you?”
“I guess. I only use it against men.”
“So could you please? It’s always nice to see who you’re talking to.”
“Ok, but please don’t complement me. I don’t like people judging me by my looks.”
She unveiled her purple-pastel shawl to Anna’s amazement expressed by sighs. Her black hair was braided in the back, but untamed curls escaped decorating her face. Her dark blue eyes were like jewels that needed no make up. She had rosy lips of a modest expression, which were dry from lack of humidity, the same with some of her pale skin.
“Your poor skin.” Anna pronounced the only thing she was allowed that was on her mind.
“I know, back home I used a special oil.”
“You can borrow my lotion.”
“I’ve borrowed too many things already.” She responded in a bitter-sad voice. She lowered her head leaning on her hand. “Will I ever go back?” She said as if asking ’will I really never go back?’.
“Actually you will go with me and Brian tomorrow. Today he wants me to teach him some Arabic.”
“Really? I am glad. I need to practice my English too.”
“I don’t want to scare you, but you do understand that we might not find anything there?”
“Yes, but I must go there either way.” her words trembled. The interpreter moved closer to her, patting her back.
“It’s ok to cry. You’ll feel better.”
“No, I won’t cry. Allah will help me.” she looked straight into the interpreter’s face with tearless eyes. Those words sounded a little too harsh for Anna. Once again, she gave up on comprehending Sabihah.
4. Facing Reality
“Why do we have to fly on that thing? Why not take a car?” she pleaded to Anna.
“Remember that explosion that you survived in?”
“Of course.”
“I know. That was an unnecessary question. Well that explosion was started by a roadside bomb, which destroyed the truck including four American soldiers. Those are the most common and dangerous traps, so it’s not the safest way for us to travel. Now common, we have to go.” The girl silently followed.
Sabihah raised her hand to cover her open yet already veiled mouth as she stood in front of a helicopter. She backed away when the machine started coming closer, but a firm grip of Anna’s hand assured her to stay. The propeller stirred up a storm causing the interpreter’s short ponytail to fly backwards and Sabihah to hold on to her clothes tighter. A tall figure climbed out of the helicopter and walked towards them. All suited him well - the sandy colored uniform, black boots, lightly - colored crew cut, an optimistic smile - all but the sunglasses, which now scared Sabihah. He reminded her of a secret agent, someone distant and strange. For at least a split second, Brian wished she would forget about her manners or on accident let the shawl unfold…Suddenly fear overtook Sabihah again.
“I am afraid! I am afraid! I never expected this!” After gathering his memory, the lieutenant took a risk he never took before.
“Don’t be afraid. Everything will be fine.” He sounded out with difficulty. Brian wasn’t a guru, but he felt some kind of flow of positive energy, he could swear he could see her smile beneath the fabric. “Thanks God, she understood!” he thought.
Sabihah wondered about how close people could become to each other when they learn the language. Brian helped the women up into their seats. The girl felt so unaccustomed to such treatment, but for some reason liked it. Her heart jumped when they rose in the air. She couldn’t take her eyes off from the window. For the first time she saw her native country from so high above. It was a dry landscape they flew over, with bushes as the only vegetation, occasional gardens seen as tiny green spots here and there, villages, and a thin river. Although these houses were in the ouskirts of the city, the were the opposite of shanty towns, more like middle class suburbs but still very modest. The difference from the poorer part of the crowded city was that here denizens had bigger houses to live in and more land to own. The helicopter started descending above a black spot that besides destruction, brought fear to the surrounding village that was left intact.
The interpreter and lieutenant stood by the helicopter while watching Sabihah in her indigo fabric, looking around a half-demolished village.
“Do you recognize this place still?” Anna yelled out.
“Yes.”
“You know which way to go?”
“Yes, follow me.” Anna noticed that, Sabihah’s shoes were soft and slipper-like.
“Before we go too far, do you want to change your shoes? I am sure we have some in the helicopter.”
“No, thanks. I am used to these too much.”
She stopped in front of a large former house. The girl could imagine it as it used to be. There were plenty of plants here that now were dry: roses, jasmine, tulips, and weeds that started taking over. Shattered glass lay everywhere, the door was off hinges. Holes in the wall exposed the inside, everything else burned down. Only one end of the house, away from the main part and entrance stood not as destroyed. She pointed to it.
“This is where I was when i...itt.tt….” She trailed off, her voice drowning in tears. Anna uneasily stayed slightly distanced, not knowing how to act after what happened last time she tried to comfort her. Brian, on the other hand, hugged Sabihah. For a second she cried on his shoulder, but then, realizing what is happening, she freed herself from him. She kneeled on the ground and continued to weep while running fingers through the dirt. In a low voice, the interpreter told Brian,” I think we should leave her for a while.” Nevertheless, he stayed even though his partner left for the helicopter. He sat on the rock, observing Sabihah’s actions. She seemed not to care if anybody watched her or not.
She walked among the ruins once more searching for something that wasn’t there. Touching the mud walls, Sabihah discovered crimson stains on them. Unexpectedly, she ran towards the lieutenant.
“We must find the bodies of my parents.” She told him in Arabic hoping he’d understand, but all he knew from her phrase was parents.
“Yes, of course, I understand your pain.” Brian soothed her by hugging again. She gave in, sobbing even stronger, her whole body shaking. Eventually she fell asleep, as he carried her back to the helicopter.
“Hi Anna. Thanks for watching after our helicopter.” Brian distracted the interpreter from her pensive state as he put down Sabihah on a seat beside her.
“Oh yeah?! You mean thanks that I left like a chicken?”
“I am not here to blame you. You did what you thought was right. And besides, we wouldn’t want the helicopter to be robbed. Right?”
“Robbed of what? Supplies that we can get back on the base anyways?”
“Quit it Anna. You’re not helping anybody with your irony. All I ask of you is make sure Sabihah doesn’t fall off the seat.” Brian steadily instructed her without loosing control.
Heavy silence fell on them, which on the contrary pleased the pilot. He smiled to himself: Sabihah’s smell lingered on him. Everything about her seemed sweet to him, even the fact that she never showed her face to men.
“I am…I am sorry.” The truly innocent voice of Anna started apologizing, “I just don’t know…I have trouble communicating with Sabihah. Anything I offer to her she cuts off with her cold ‘no’.”
“You should’ve learned by now she doesn’t like taking things that aren’t hers. Maybe instead of things, you should offer her emotional support.”
“But I did try helping her, instead she told me she’s ok, she won’t cry.”
“You see? She did finally cry.” Without saying a word more during the rest of the flight, Anna desperately thought, she just doesn’t like me.
