Eyes of the Empire Chap. 1

16 posts1, 2
Random avatar
Gender Male
Points 1090
Reviews 43
Excellent work with chapter one :D ! It really keeps you waiting for more and the conscience speaking in the beginning is very David Eddings style, which of course is a good thing. And who told me to tell more of his character :?: Nah, just kidding.

The pain was starting to go down
I think the sentence sounds weird. "Go down"?
Never heard of such a phrase. Try to change it to something else like "The pain was starting to ease" or something of the like.

I will come back for more, unless the mountain of books I received for Christmas block my way. All hail us, the writers who write from an I point of view 8) ! Certainly a gold star coming here :)

Your reader and fellow writer, Amniel
If the road is easy, the destination is worthless.



Very well; I hear; I admit, but I have a voice too, and for good or evil mine is the speech that cannot be silenced.
— Joseph Conrad, Heart of Darkness