Whispers

(*AAAAAAAWWWWWWWSSSSSSSSSSOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEE*)


i absolutely enjoyed this if I was a real crit, I'd give it three thumbs up(*tee-hee*) we don't have three thumbs)

Honestly, I didn't think it was very good. I liked what you were saying, I just don't think it was a very good song. There was no rhythm to it, no beat. There weren't even any rhymes! I hink this would be better as a free-verse poem.

What do i expect from you?

I instead of 1. You do this more, make sure you fix it up. It's a simple mistake but annoying.

Is this the apple of the evening?

What? The apple of the evening? What's that supposed to mean? DId you just put it in there for rhymes, or does it actually mean something?



Overall, needs a lot of work. Is this your first song? Because it seems like it. Did you write it with a tune, because I really can't get one, no matter how hard I try. I'd recommend a complete re-write with the same theme, but making it more musical, because it seems like a poem more than a song write now.

Good luck!

It's like a peom in song form. It's really heartfelt. You did a good job with it, especially with the metaphors and similies

I could see this as a spoken-word kind of song....

Which is to say, it wasn't bad. It was rather interesting, and I would love to hear the beat or music that would support the background to these lyrics.

These words are nicely put together and I could almost put a tune them. The structure you have is good also. Thanks!