If It Hollers

Simply open up the window,
and let it fall or rise in flight.

If you cup you ear and wait.
you’ll see if it’s worth the pain,
If you should pick up the pen again.

So hush now and listen well,
for this is the only way to tell.
Send out your cry at night,
and if you hear it echo,
better still hollering in your ear,
then the idea is right,
and the dream might just be near.

But a word of caution still,
chase it like a getaway kite,
or ever try and do it for spite,
then the dream will shatter into a single tear,
and completely disappear.

I don't think that this is as strong as your other works.

So hush now and listen well,
for this is the only way to tell.
Send out your cry at night,
and if you hear it echo,
better still hollering in your ear,
then the idea is right,
and the dream might just be near.

You're main stanza - I say main because it contains the hollering that is central to the idea and your title is sort of a let down.

Issues:

1. There is a nothingness to the content which makes reader involvement impossible
2. The main metaphor it is crafted about, the hollering, echoes and letting it out isn't too well constructed

What I mean by one is that you present the idea of letting the idea out and seeing how it acts but it isn't inspiring. It's an averagely worded piece and so the idea doesn't attract much of my support. In a way, it's just too difficult to connect with. We have the ideas let loose, but none of their beauty is fully described, none of the effort put into them elucidated and none of the heartbreak that would accompany failed ones. (as you can see I went slightly off what is written here to ideas that you could employ to better allow audience involvement)

By two, well I simply mean the metaphor isn't as attractive as it could be. The whole use of "hollering" is somewhat out of place amongst the more elevated diction you use and so becomes just odd. It's not too bad the used in the phrasal form of hollering in your ear, but you could do better. The crying into night also made me cringe. Left just like that it's too melodramatic. It would appear better if there was something for the cry to echo through but as it is, with just descriptions of the call it's a bit overdone.

The tear/disappear ending has a good ring too it.

You can do better, but perhaps I've been too harsh all in all.

Simply open up the window,

And let it fall or rise in flight.



If you cup you ear and wait,

You’ll see if it’s worth the pain;

If you should pick up the pen again.



So hush now and listen well,

For this is the only way to tell.

Send out your cry at night,

and, if you hear it echo-

Better, still, hollering in your ear-

Then the idea is right,

and the dream might just be near.



But a word of caution, still:

Chase it like a getaway kite,

or ever try and do it for spite.

Then, the dream will shatter into a single tear,

And completely disappear.


I like the message.

It just doesn't flow well, and had a lot of grammar and punctuation errors (most of which I corrected).

The bolded/underlined part doesn't make sense to me whatsoever.